Calm Parenting Podcast Quick Tips for Dads Ep. 4: Don't Ask Your Wife to be the Referee
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Oct 17, 2025 Explore the complex dynamics of parental roles as one dad shares how his emotional struggles made his wife the referee in conflicts. He emphasizes the importance of self-control and de-escalation techniques, suggesting dads should communicate openly with their partners. By sitting down to problem-solve and using physical activities to diffuse tension, parents can shift the household atmosphere. Learn how breaking generational patterns and seeking support can enhance relationships and create a more harmonious family life.
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Losing Control Put Wife In The Middle
- Kirk Martin describes how he would visibly get upset at the dinner table and put his wife in the role of managing his emotions.
- That pattern forced his wife to walk on eggshells and act as a referee between him and their son.
Referee Role Erodes Respect
- Kirk says a partner acting as referee is unsustainable and erodes respect in the marriage.
- He traces his own loss of control to immaturity and learned behavior from an abusive father.
Ask, Listen, And Apologize
- Ask your wife vulnerably whether this happens and avoid defensiveness when she answers.
- Apologize briefly and acknowledge you didn't realize you were putting her in that position.