Don't Mom Alone Podcast

“How Do I Regulate My Own Emotions?” :: Charissa Lopez [Ep 482] Summer of Mentorship

Aug 5, 2024

Charissa Lopez, a Licensed Professional Counselor passionate about healing and growth, delves into the art of emotional regulation. She highlights the 'window of tolerance' and how parents' emotions can significantly impact their children's behavior. Charissa explains that when parents are dysregulated, it becomes challenging to help their kids return to a calm state. She emphasizes the importance of secure attachment and shares practical strategies for fostering resilience, reminding listeners that leaning on faith can guide them through parenting challenges.

41:49

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Episode guests

Charissa Lopez

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Quick takeaways

Understanding the Window of Tolerance is crucial for parents to help regulate their own and their children's emotions effectively.

Fostering self-awareness in both parents and children enhances emotional regulation, leading to healthier communication and resilience building.

Deep dives

Understanding the Window of Tolerance

The concept of the Window of Tolerance is central to understanding emotional regulation in parenting. It represents the range within which individuals can function while staying connected and engaged with their surroundings. When children are within this window, they can communicate effectively and respond to their emotions without feeling overwhelmed. However, when they exceed this window, they slip into hyperarousal or hypoarousal, leading to behaviors like anxiety, aggression, or complete disengagement.

Intro

2min

Understanding the Window of Tolerance in Parenting

5min

Navigating Family Meals and Emotional Well-being

4min

Navigating Emotional Regulation

8min

The Power of Secure Attachment and Emotional Regulation

8min

Navigating Parenting Emotions

15min

As parents, we are keenly aware of the peaks and valleys of our kids’ emotions. Anger, sadness, excitement, and all the other feelings can make us feel like our child is on a roller coaster we’re just trying to slow down.

It’s true that we all feel highs and lows throughout our day, but we rarely talk about what it feel like when we’re “in the zone” and feeling calm and ready to go. My guest today is sharing about the window of tolerance and how to regulate ourselves and our kids to help stay in that window.

“If I am dysregulated, I cannot regulate my child. So if I'm in fight or flight and I'm yelling. There's no amount of yelling that brings my child back into the window. And sometimes parents think the yelling is working, but what you're doing isn’t getting your child in the window. They're going into collapse and into a place of fear.”

Charissa Lopez is a Licensed Professional Counselor and believer. Her passion is to come alongside those who are hurting and struggling to help them find truth, hope, healing, connection, and growth. She shares some eye-opening information and statistics to get us on the path to helping our kids build resilience and stay in that window of tolerance.

Charissa shares from a faith-perspective that we as believers are not alone. She reminds us that we can lean on God to regulate our emotions as we love on our kids and go through the hardships of life.

“God himself through Jesus is the ultimate attachment figure. He is always reaching for us. He never fails to respond to our needs. He always loves us. He's never judging us and never shaming us. So to know that when we need to be co-regulated, that when I am feeling like I'm going to leave the window, I can remember the truth of who God is and I can reach out to him in prayer.”

What we chat about:

The window of tolerance when our brains functioning well and effectively process input to make rational decisions calmly without feeling either overwhelmed or withdrawn
When we’re out of the window of tolerance, our thinking brain is not in control and we don’t register consequences
Many of us don’t live in the window of tolerance, but we’re too busy and stressed to stop and assess how we’re feeling at any given moment
Hyper-arousal, otherwise known as the fight/flight response, is often characterized by hypervigilance, feelings of anxiety and/or panic, and racing thoughts.
Hypo-arousal, or a freeze response, may cause feelings of emotional numbness, emptiness, or paralysis.
Learning how to stay in your window of tolerance builds resilience, both for us and our kids
When our kids live outside the window, they become “masters of survival” and often turn to negative coping strategies
What co-regulating our kids’ emotions looks like
Philippians 2:13 “For it is God who works in you to will and to act in order to fulfill his good purpose.”
We can lean on God to bring us to that window of tolerance and into the fruits of the spirit

Connect with Charissa:

Website: charissalopez.com
Facebook: facebook.com/CharissaLopezCounseling

Links Mentioned:

Regulation Pack for DMA Listeners [WEBSITE]
Rosie’s Brain [BOOK]

Related Episodes:

Connecting Through Play Episode with Charissa
Ages and Stages–Tween Edition –differentiation episode with Charissa
Helping Your Child with Sensory Processing Issues :: Lynne Jackson [Ep 258]

Summer of Mentorship Discussion Questions:

Have you heard of the window of tolerance before? If you look back at today, can you identify times when you were in the window and when you were in hyper-arousal/hypo-arousal?
What about when your kids were in hyper-arousal/hypo-arousal? Are there some simple indicators that tip you off to your child’s de-regulation?
How could knowing that your child’s thinking brain and understanding of consequences are not functioning in de-regulation change how you parent them when they have big emotional responses?
Do you need to take more time to regulate yourself when you are upset before disciplining your kids? Make a list of strategies you can use to get back to the window of tolerance before trying to help your kids regulate.
God is the ultimate attachment figure and he can help us regulate through prayer, corporate worship and community. How have you seen God help you regulate in the difficult moments in life? Share some wins!

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Don't Mom Alone Podcast

“How Do I Regulate My Own Emotions?” :: Charissa Lopez [Ep 482] Summer of Mentorship

Episode guests

Podcast summary created with Snipd AI

Quick takeaways

Deep dives

Understanding the Window of Tolerance

Importance of Self-Awareness

Navigating Hyperarousal and Hypoarousal

Creating Secure Attachments

Remember Everything You Learn from Podcasts