Harvard Psychologist Reveals the Secret to Changing Behavior

Jun 4, 2025

Dr. Stuart Ablon, a Harvard Medical School professor and clinical psychologist, shares insights on changing behavior through empathy and skill-building. He explains why behavior is about skills over willpower and provides a 4-step empathy framework for conflict resolution. The discussion highlights how Collaborative Problem Solving, used globally, transforms challenging behaviors into growth opportunities. Listeners will learn about essential skills for personal development, navigating self-awareness in relationships, and how trauma affects behavior, all while fostering compassion and effective communication.

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INSIGHT

Behavior Is Skill, Not Will

Behavior depends more on skill than willpower.
People usually do their best with the skills they have at the time.

ANECDOTE

Youth Apology Reveals Behavior Truth

As a new counselor, Stuart encountered a youth in meltdown restrained in seclusion.
The youth apologized, showing struggle was about skills, not lack of care.

ADVICE

Be a Curious Detective

Approach struggles with curiosity and nonjudgment like a detective.
Ask questions gently and reassure the person you want to understand, not punish.

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If you’ve ever felt frustrated by someone’s behavior— whether it’s a partner, friend, coworker, or even yourself— this episode will give you the tools to handle those moments effortlessly.

Today, we’re joined by Dr. Stuart Ablon, a Harvard Medical School professor, clinical psychologist, and one of the world’s leading experts on behavior. Dr. Ablon is the founding director of Think:Kids at Mass General Hospital, which focuses on Collaborative Problem Solving, an evidence-based approach found to reduce challenging behavior and currently used worldwide in schools, businesses, prisons, and relationships.

In this episode, you’ll learn:

🧠 Why behavior is about skill, not will— and why most of us get this wrong

🔍 How empathy, curiosity, and connection are the keys to real behavior change

🔄 Why punishment and consequences often fail— and what works better in parenting, leadership, and relationships

✨ The five core thinking skills behind behavior and how stress and trauma affect them

💡 A 4-step empathy framework you can use in any conflict, conversation, or relationship

This episode is packed with simple, powerful strategies to solve problems effectively. You’ll see what’s really going on beneath the surface of challenging behavior— and how to respond in a way that actually works.

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Connect with Dr. Stuart Ablon:

Website: https://www.stuartablon.com/

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