Kat & Steve - Why we sleep separately

In this episode, Steve and I are breaking down the decision we made to sleep separately, which, at first, was just about his snoring. It was disrupting our nights, leaving me on edge, waiting to see if I'd get a full night's sleep or end up dragging myself through the next day. But as we moved into this new setup, we realised it was about much more than just noise.

The truth is, we both need different things at the end of the day. Steve winds down with a show or something on his screen, giving him that moment of mental break. I’m the opposite. I want quiet, my salt lamp, a candle, and a book that pulls me away from everything external. And I like being in bed by 9 pm, whereas he naturally leans into a later night. Our decision to sleep apart evolved into something we didn’t expect – we could actually honor our individual needs without it taking anything away from us as a couple.

And here’s the thing: we love it! Since making this change, we’re more connected because we're not hating on each other. There’s no underlying frustration, no waiting for someone else to adjust or sacrifice their comfort. We cuddle when we want to, we’re close in the mornings, and both of us wake up fresher, more grounded. It’s not a sign of distance; it’s a deeper respect for what each of us needs to be at our best, so that when we’re together, we’re fully there. For anyone feeling boxed in by what they think a relationship *should* look like, this is a reminder: authenticity doesn’t follow a rulebook.

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