The Daily Dad

You Have To See What’s Really Going On

Mar 14, 2024

02:28

Snipd AI

Explore the root causes of your child's behavior to effectively support them. Look beyond the surface frustrations and connect with what's really happening. Practice being a Stoic by taking a breath and understanding the deeper emotions driving their actions.

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Quick takeaways

Pause and assess underlying reasons for children's behavior to respond with understanding and support.

Look beyond surface-level misbehavior to address emotions and needs, fostering stronger connection with children.

Deep dives

Understanding the Root Causes of Behavior

In challenging parenting moments, the podcast advises parents to pause and assess the underlying reasons for their children's behavior. Rather than reacting impulsively to misbehavior like hitting a sibling or lying, parents are encouraged to take a breath and consider the factors triggering these actions. By practicing stoicism and examining the true causes behind their children's actions, such as frustration, overwhelm, or a need for connection, parents can better address the root issues and respond with understanding and support.

Understanding the Root Causes of Your Child's Behavior

2min

All that did happen. It shouldn’t have. It’s not ok that it did. But before you do anything, can you try this? Can you say to yourself, as Dr. Becky writes in Good Inside (a great book!), “Ok, one second. Let me take a breath. Let me see if I understand what’s happening here…”

In a sense, can you be a Stoic about it? Can you put your first impressions to the test, as Epictetus tells us, not be overwhelmed by the moment, as Marcus Aurelius said, and see what’s really happening? Because what’s really happening is that they are frustrated after being prodded and provoked by their siblings for days on end. What happened is that they’re overwhelmed by school, and they need help. What happened is that they’re desperate for connection. What happened is that they’re having bigger feelings than they’re equipped to deal with.

Talk to them, talk it through. Don’t be distracted by what’s on the surface, what is frustrating or inappropriate, but go to what’s really happening and help them there.

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