179. Here's Where You're Screwing up: Divorce Truths

If you want the real truth about divorce, buckle up. In this episode, Andrea and Morgan deliver the unfiltered, uncomfortable, absolutely-necessary truths your lawyer wishes you understood…but might be too afraid to say directly.

From how the legal system really works to why your expectations are sabotaging your sanity, this episode is the wake-up call you need if you’re navigating divorce, co-parenting, or even just preparing for that dreaded Thanksgiving dinner with your very opinionated family.

This one is honest, hilarious, a little unhinged (hi Andrea), and packed with strategic guidance that will help you avoid major mistakes.

What You’ll Learn in This Episode

1. Nothing in divorce is “fair” — and why that mindset will destroy you

The legal system doesn’t care about fairness. It’s designed for equitable distribution, not emotional justice.

2. Stop expecting the legal system to deliver revenge

Morgan breaks down why the courts aren’t built to punish your ex — even when you deeply (and correctly) feel they deserve it.

3. Lower your expectations, raise your strategy

Why your expectations are often unrealistic, what “the range” actually means in divorce outcomes, and how lowering your expectations protects your mental health and your wallet.

4. Know the law where you actually live (yes, geography matters)

Andrea reminds listeners that different states = different standards. Don’t guess. Don’t Google. Ask your lawyer to explain what’s realistic where YOU live.

5. Stop focusing on your ex — focus on YOU

Your ex won’t suddenly transform into a better human mid-divorce. (Brenda does not become Glinda.) Focus on your responses, your regulation, and your strategy.

6. Backseat drivers & Thanksgiving disasters

How to shut down intrusive family commentary (“That’s not fair!”) and exactly what to say at the holiday table when everyone wants details about your divorce.

7. Your kids will hurt — but they will be OK

Andrea shares her own emotional story about her first Thanksgiving without her kids, and how focusing on what she could control changed everything.

8. Do NOT fire off emotional texts

Use a communication app like OurFamilyWizard to protect yourself legally and emotionally — especially with the ToneMeter feature that stops you from sending something you’ll regret.

Hard Truths from This Episode

• The legal system is not designed to make you feel better.
• Your ex won’t change just because you’d like them to.
• Your attorney isn’t your therapist.
• Fairness is not a legal standard. Equitable is.
• Focusing on your ex keeps you stuck.
• You are responsible for asking your lawyer the right questions.
• Your expectations need to be realistic, not emotional.

⏱️ Timestamps

00:00 — Hard truth: nothing about divorce is “fair”

00:05 — Why the legal system will NOT give you justice or revenge

00:21 — Show intro

01:12 — Morgan’s chaotic morning + the freight elevator monkey situation

02:38 — Why a small client gift boosted the entire legal team

03:26 — Andrea’s shocking weekend text to Morgan

04:30 — Kim Kardashian’s “All’s Fair”: Andrea’s surprising review

05:36 — HARD TRUTH #1: Lower your expectations

08:43 — How to “bet on yourself” when everything feels unstable

10:08 — The client who saved millions by lowering expectations

10:58 — Best case vs worst case vs realistic outcomes

12:11 — HARD TRUTH #2: Nothing about this will feel fair

14:48 — What “equitable” actually means in divorce

17:02 — The danger of getting stuck in unfairness mindset

18:39 — How to handle family’s opinions during holiday gatherings

20:47 — HARD TRUTH #3: The system is not built for revenge

22:02 — HARD TRUTH #4: Stop focusing on your ex’s behavior

22:40 — Letting go of trying to “teach lessons”

24:39 — Why your ex won’t suddenly improve during divorce

25:50 — HARD TRUTH #5: Focus on YOU, not Brenda

27:17 — Why lawyers don’t tell you these things directly

28:49 — What to say at Thanksgiving to shut down nosy relatives

31:05 — Andrea’s raw story of her first kid-free Thanksgiving

33:22 — The “body shot off Dad” moment (you know it’s coming)

34:52 — Divorce is a marathon, not a sprint

35:26 — Resources, guides & community links

This episode is your permission to drop the guilt, stop white-knuckling the process, and start approaching your divorce with clarity, strategy, and self-compassion.

If you’re going through a divorce right now — especially a high-conflict one — this is the episode you can’t skip.

Rate, review, and share to help someone who needs it.

Our Divorce Crash Course was designed to hold your hand through the process and help you avoid major and expensive mistakes. Learn more here: https://www.hownottosuckatdivorce.com/divorce-crash-course

Our Family Wizard is another fantasitc resource for those who need help navigating the "fun" world of coparenting. Head to this landing page to see how we work closely with them to support our listeners! http://www.ourfamilywizard.com/notsuck20

Friends, slide into our dms, we love love love hearing from you. We are always here to listen and help in any way we can. You've got this and we've got you.

Instagram: @hownotosuckatdivorce

Follow Andrea: @theandrearappaport

Follow Morgan: @divorceattorneychicago