How Not To Suck At Divorce 179. Hard Truths About Divorce No One Warns You About
Hard truths that can save you time, money, and sanity.
If you want the real truth about divorce, buckle up. In this episode, Andrea and Morgan deliver the unfiltered, uncomfortable, absolutely-necessary truths your lawyer wishes you understood…but might be too afraid to say directly.
From how the legal system really works to why your expectations are sabotaging your sanity, this episode is the wake-up call you need if you’re navigating divorce, co-parenting, or even just preparing for that dreaded Thanksgiving dinner with your very opinionated family.
This one is honest, hilarious, a little unhinged (hi Andrea), and packed with strategic guidance that will help you avoid major mistakes.
What You’ll Learn in This Episode
1. Nothing in divorce is “fair” — and why that mindset will destroy you
The legal system doesn’t care about fairness. It’s designed for equitable distribution, not emotional justice.
2. Stop expecting the legal system to deliver revenge
Morgan breaks down why the courts aren’t built to punish your ex — even when you deeply (and correctly) feel they deserve it.
3. Lower your expectations, raise your strategy
Why your expectations are often unrealistic, what “the range” actually means in divorce outcomes, and how lowering your expectations protects your mental health and your wallet.
4. Know the law where you actually live (yes, geography matters)
Andrea reminds listeners that different states = different standards. Don’t guess. Don’t Google. Ask your lawyer to explain what’s realistic where YOU live.
5. Stop focusing on your ex — focus on YOU
Your ex won’t suddenly transform into a better human mid-divorce. (Brenda does not become Glinda.) Focus on your responses, your regulation, and your strategy.
6. Backseat drivers & Thanksgiving disasters
How to shut down intrusive family commentary (“That’s not fair!”) and exactly what to say at the holiday table when everyone wants details about your divorce.
7. Your kids will hurt — but they will be OK
Andrea shares her own emotional story about her first Thanksgiving without her kids, and how focusing on what she could control changed everything.
8. Do NOT fire off emotional texts
Use a communication app like OurFamilyWizard to protect yourself legally and emotionally — especially with the ToneMeter feature that stops you from sending something you’ll regret.
Hard Truths from This Episode
- The legal system is not designed to make you feel better.
- Your ex won’t change just because you’d like them to.
- Your attorney isn’t your therapist.
- Fairness is not a legal standard. Equitable is.
- Focusing on your ex keeps you stuck.
- You are responsible for asking your lawyer the right questions.
- Your expectations need to be realistic, not emotional.
⏱️ Timestamps
00:00 — Hard truth: nothing about divorce is “fair”
00:05 — Why the legal system will NOT give you justice or revenge
00:21 — Show intro
01:12 — Morgan’s chaotic morning + the freight elevator monkey situation
02:38 — Why a small client gift boosted the entire legal team
03:26 — Andrea’s shocking weekend text to Morgan
04:30 — Kim Kardashian’s “All’s Fair”: Andrea’s surprising review
05:36 — HARD TRUTH #1: Lower your expectations
08:43 — How to “bet on yourself” when everything feels unstable
10:08 — The client who saved millions by lowering expectations
10:58 — Best case vs worst case vs realistic outcomes
12:11 — HARD TRUTH #2: Nothing about this will feel fair
14:48 — What “equitable” actually means in divorce
17:02 — The danger of getting stuck in unfairness mindset
18:39 — How to handle family’s opinions during holiday gatherings
20:47 — HARD TRUTH #3: The system is not built for revenge
22:02 — HARD TRUTH #4: Stop focusing on your ex’s behavior
22:40 — Letting go of trying to “teach lessons”
24:39 — Why your ex won’t suddenly improve during divorce
25:50 — HARD TRUTH #5: Focus on YOU, not Brenda
27:17 — Why lawyers don’t tell you these things directly
28:49 — What to say at Thanksgiving to shut down nosy relatives
31:05 — Andrea’s raw story of her first kid-free Thanksgiving
33:22 — The “body shot off Dad” moment (you know it’s coming)
34:52 — Divorce is a marathon, not a sprint
35:26 — Resources, guides & community links
This episode is your permission to drop the guilt, stop white-knuckling the process, and start approaching your divorce with clarity, strategy, and self-compassion.
If you’re going through a divorce right now — especially a high-conflict one — this is the episode you can’t skip.
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Our Divorce Crash Course was designed to hold your hand through the process and help you avoid major and expensive mistakes. Learn more here: https://www.hownottosuckatdivorce.com/divorce-crash-course
Our Family Wizard is another fantasitc resource for those who need help navigating the "fun" world of coparenting. Head to this landing page to see how we work closely with them to support our listeners! http://www.ourfamilywizard.com/notsuck20
Friends, slide into our dms, we love love love hearing from you. We are always here to listen and help in any way we can. You've got this and we've got you.
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