WTF is AuDHD? E46 | Lacking boundaries, people pleasing and their links to neurodivergence
Dec 1, 2025
This discussion dives into the challenges of setting boundaries, especially for neurodivergent individuals who often struggle with people-pleasing. The hosts explore why saying 'yes' can feel automatic, even when it goes against one's feelings. Personal stories highlight the impact of familial patterns on boundary issues and the connection between rejection sensitive dysphoria and the fear of expressing needs. They emphasize the importance of recognizing signs of people-pleasing, the struggle with saying 'no,' and the journey towards self-advocacy and self-care.
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People-Pleasing As A Trauma Response
- People-pleasing and weak boundaries often develop as trauma-driven coping strategies in autistic and ADHD people.
- Masking, RSD and social survival instincts combine to make saying no feel frightening and unsafe.
Why Reactions And Needs Get Misread
- ADHD-related rejection sensitive dysphoria makes neutral cues feel like rejection and worsens people-pleasing.
- Autism-related alexithymia and interoception issues delay noticing needs, so people appease now and explode later.
The Cookie Choice Example
- Paige described deferring to others over choosing a cookie at work and feeling undeserving to pick first.
- Both hosts used this tiny scenario to show how automatic hierarchical self-devaluation feels.
