A Man's Guide To Ending Fearful-Avoidant Attachment

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Apr 4, 2024

Delving into fearful-avoidant attachment, this podcast covers its roots, impact on relationships, and techniques for moving towards secure attachment. Exploring topics like parentification, emotional regulation, and self-soothing practices, it provides valuable insights into overcoming fear and building trust in relationships.

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INSIGHT

Fearful-Avoidant Attachment Defined

Fearful-avoidant attachment, also known as disorganized attachment, involves a deep desire for intimacy.
However, it also includes a feeling of being unlovable and distrusting of others' support.

INSIGHT

Origins of Fearful-Avoidant Attachment

Fearful-avoidant attachment stems from inconsistent or unpredictable caregiving in childhood.
This inconsistency creates anxiety and avoidance in close relationships.

ADVICE

Recognizing Fearful-Avoidant Tendencies

Recognize the internal conflict: wanting closeness but fearing it, leading to one foot in, one foot out in relationships.
Understand that commitment issues can stem from this attachment style, not malice.

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Talking points: attachment, psychology, mindset, relationships

Alright team, this is one of the biggest guides yet! There were a TON of requests to cover this one, so I happily obliged. This attachment style is also called "disorganized attachment", and I've worked with a ton of men who have it. So let's dig in on what fearful-avoidant attachment is, how it affects relationships, and how to move back towards something more secure, authentic, and thriving with easy, deliberate steps.

(00:00:00) - Intro and defining fearful-avoidant attachment, and how conflicting it can feel

(00:08:20) - Where this attachment style starts, and what makes it different from anxious and avoidant

(00:13:19) - What does fearful-avoidant look like in a relationship?

(00:15:38) - What builds a fearful-avoidant style? Neglect and/or inconsistency

(00:23:33) - One of the most important (and unspoken) needs of a child

(00:28:19) - Parentification, one of the most common causes of fearful-avoidant attachment

(00:33:37) - More on what this looks like in a relationship: control, distrust,

(00:35:57) - Wanting closeness but fearing closeness, difficulty regulating emotions, and negativity

(00:38:24) - On being disappointed by others, protection from rejection, and concentration

(00:40:02) - The big one: inability to self-soothe

(00:41:40) - So what do we do? Two BIG steps

(00:45:24) - On how to self-regulate/self-soothe, and starting with the breath

(00:50:20) - Find someone to help you work with your hypervigilance

(00:53:07) - Develop consistent connection with your partner (or with friends). Here’s how

(00:56:53) - Build trust. Slowly. Over time

(00:59:46) - Set boundaries with the fear-based thoughts in your head

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