The Michelle Chalfant Show — Life from the Adult Chair

276: Raising Teens from The Adult Chair® with Dr. Pam Staples

Aug 19, 2021

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I think it’s universally agreed upon: raising teenagers is hard!

A natural part of growing up is becoming an individual, which comes with challenging limits, venturing away from the family structure and challenging parents in the process!

Not only do our teens challenge us by pushing back on our boundaries, but the process of letting go of our kids also challenges our egos and attachments and pushes us to do our own work. I get so many questions about parenting teenagers in a healthy way, and I’m thrilled to bring the wisdom of today’s guest, Dr. Pam Staples, to you.

Dr. Staples has worked with teenagers for 37 years, and she is so grounded and knowledgeable on how to not just get through the tough teenage years but also help your teen develop into the adult they’re called to be.

We talk about how to let go and let our children become more independent, setting healthy boundaries while maintaining a safe space for our kids to mess up, building trust, how to have tough conversations and so much more.

Listen to discover:

What’s going in teenagers’ brains and bodies during adolescence
Why teenagers need their friends to create a bridge to their adult life
Why you should celebrate when your kids push the limits
Healthy boundaries parents should have with their teenagers (and when to discipline)
The importance of mutual trust in parent/teen relationships
Empty nesting and how to grieve in a healthy way
Practical steps for building positive relationships with your teenagers

As parents, our job is to be the guardrails for our kids as they find who they are and their unique purpose and destiny. Too often we focus on outcomes, performance and our dreams for our kids, when in reality, they need to learn to find their own inner voice and intuition and be who THEY are created to be (which might be very different from who we are).

As kids grow from children to teenagers, we begin to “widen the lanes” on the road, giving them more space and freedom while still being that safe touchstone to come back to.

When we set healthy limits for our kids rooted in mutual respect, we invite them to turn to us when they need guidance and become partners in their personal development, while growing as people ourselves.

This doesn’t necessarily make it easier when you find out your teen has been drinking or when they want nothing to do with you, but parenting from our Adult Chair helps us lead with love, curiosity and acceptance...which is exactly what our kids need to grow into the amazing beings they’re becoming.

“Once they hit adolescence, they start turning away from the family and more towards their peer group.” - Dr. Pam Staples

“We want them to have that God-given intuition turn on and stay on.” - Michelle Chalfant

“In order for them to differentiate and individuate, they need to push off of something, and it’s going to be the family.” - Dr. Pam Staples

“It’s important to create flexible boundaries where you allow for that teaching, mentoring and guiding aspect of parenting.” - Dr. Pam Staples

“It’s letting go of these kids so they can become whoever it is that they’re here to become...I didn’t say, ‘so our kids can become who WE think they should become.” - Michelle Chalfant

“We have to get out of the way with our children. They have their own destiny. They have their own life path. They have, in my opinion, their own soul that has a purpose and mission to be here. And we’ve got to get the hell out of the way.” - Michelle Chalfant

“As a parent, you can’t impose your hopes, your wishes and your dreams for your children onto them. You have to let them cook up their own.” - Dr. Pam Staples

“When kids make choices to please their parents, it takes them longer to find themselves.” - Dr. Pam Staples

“Let your kids find their own potential.” - Dr. Pam Staples

Resources

Dr. Pam Staples

https://www.myrelationallife.com/

Episode #35: Parenting In The 21st Century – Growing Healthy Teens With Guest Dr. James Wellborn

https://theadultchair.com/podcasts/35

Episode #79: Raising Teens From Your Adult Chair With James Wellborn

https://theadultchair.com/podcasts/79

Episode #123 : Helping your Kids Cope with Anxiety with Sharon Selby

https://theadultchair.com/podcasts/123

Episode #134: Repairing Relationships with our Kids (or Anyone)