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Revenge can be redefined by embodying your best self, shutting down narcissists by focusing on personal growth. Post-narcissist recovery is about becoming a better navigator of your life, acknowledging the lessons learned. It's not about hoping the narcissist changes, but learning to extract wisdom from past painful experiences.
Individuals can get trapped in relationships post-communication by feelings like hope, fear, guilt, and comfort. Recognizing these traps, especially the lure of familiar discomfort, is crucial in breaking free from toxic cycles. Enabling societal pressures can also hinder one's ability to leave these relationships.
After leaving a narcissistic relationship, a critical aspect of healing is a 12-month detox, focusing on self-reconnection and solitude. Actions like revisiting triggering locations with a new perspective, embracing personal preferences regardless of past criticism, and emphasizing self-cherishing over mere desire, aid in rewiring one's narrative and rebuilding self-trust.
After coming out from narcissistic relationships, individuals tend to overcorrect by putting up emotional barriers and defenses to feel safe. It is emphasized that allowing oneself to establish these protections initially is acceptable, with the goal of gradually dismantling them over time through positive experiences. The process involves learning to trust oneself first before trusting others, setting boundaries, and giving permission to feel uncomfortable in social situations. Building trust is highlighted as a gradual journey, including starting with small interactions and journaling to track successful social experiences, ultimately leading to a shift from a closed-off mindset to acknowledging red flags.
The concept of revenge post-narcissistic abuse is redefined as personal success and growth, rather than vindictiveness towards the abuser. Success, whether achieving personal milestones or accomplishing goals, is proposed as the ultimate form of revenge, demonstrating self-efficacy and resilience. Indifference towards the abuser is seen as a key goal in recovery, where individuals aim to reach a state of uncaring neutrality towards the past abuser. The speaker urges a focus on personal development and letting go of toxic attachments to past hurtful interactions to foster a mindset of self-assurance and empowerment.
By now, you are most likely aware of narcissistic behavior being grandiose, egotistical and charming. If many of us can describe a narcissistic person, then how do we fall into unhealthy relationships with people that have zero concern for our happiness or well being?
If you’ve experienced a relationship with a narcissistic person or happen to be currently living through narcissistic abuse then you are familiar with the frustration, the gaslighting, and feeling totally lost on how to end it or get out of the relationship. There are very clear traps narcissists use to keep hold of the people they want to control.
Dr. Ramani Durvasula is an expert in narcissism and clinical psychologist. She is also a repeat guest on the show, joining Lisa for the third time. She’s breaking down all the ways narcissists are trying to trap you, how to heal from narcissistic abuse to move on, and how to create better boundaries and a plan for revenge.
SHOW NOTES:
Feeling Lost | What does moving on from a narcissistic relationship look like [1:02]
5 Traps to Avoid | Dr. Ramani breaks down 5 traps in narcissistic relationships [5:39]
Hoovering Trap | A powerplay tactic narcissist use to suck you in after you’ve left [9:38]
Avoid Enablers | Dr. Ramani explains how enablers make it harder to walk away [11:44]
The Hope Trap | Dr. Ramani reveals how narcissist trigger hope to keep you baited [13:44]
Trapped by Guilt | When vulnerable narcissists trap with the belief you can save them [15:24]
Responsibility | Dr. Ramani on why responsibility of being treated poorly is not on you [17:27]
Trauma Bonding | Why people hold onto the good things in bad relationships explained [21:47]
Breaking Triggers | Dr. Ramani explains why being alone for a whole year is necessary [25:35]
Danger of Control | Why controlling what someone wears is a dangerous dynamic [35:53]
Be Cherished | Dr. Ramani reveals why being cherished over desired is important [38:37]
Rebuilding Trust | Why it’s hard to rebuild trust for with yourself and tips for progress [42:00]
Boundaries | Dr. Ramani’s tips for setting boundaries when you don’t feel safe [55:21]
Revenge | Dr. Ramani explains the best form of revenge against a narcissist [57:25]
Self Efficacy | Dr. Ramani reveals how to heal from narcissistic abuse with indifference [1:04:38]
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