Egolessness, Self-Kindness & the Buddhist Enneagram

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Jun 27, 2025

Discover the intriguing balance between egolessness and self-awareness in spirituality. Explore how meditation unveils both our true essence and the illusion of self. The Enneagram emerges as a powerful tool for personal growth, offering insights into personality types that enhance self-compassion. Learn how understanding stress responses influences your relationships, fostering communication and harmony. This journey highlights that knowing ourselves is essential to spiritual development, not a distraction from it.

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INSIGHT

Insight on Egolessness

Teachings of no-self can feel like a shaming of personal identity, which is unhelpful.
Meditation reveals glimpses both of egolessness and the true self coexisting.

ADVICE

Meditation as Self-Friendship

Extend the hand of friendship to yourself through meditation.
This fosters self-awareness and emotional honesty essential for spiritual practice.

INSIGHT

Enneagram Enhances Compassion

The Enneagram illuminates nine personality types revealing patterns, not limiting individuals.
It complements Buddhist compassion by deepening self-understanding and kindness to others.

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In this episode, I explore the tension between spiritual teachings on egolessness and the deeply personal need for self-understanding. I talk about how meditation reveals both the illusion of self and the reality of who we are. I also share how the Enneagram—a system of personality types—has been an invaluable tool for fostering compassion and clarity in myself and my relationships.

Highlights:

1. The Problem with Egolessness

Teachings on “no self” can feel like a shaming of personal identity.
Meditation helps us see both our egoless nature and our genuine self.

2. Meditation as Friendship with Self

Encourages self-awareness and emotional honesty.

3. The Enneagram as a Spiritual Tool

Describes 9 personality types; not limiting but illuminating.
Helps identify personal patterns and build self-compassion.
Integrated with Buddhist values like loving-kindness.

4. Three Enneagram Frameworks to Understand Yourself and Others

Centers of Intelligence:
- Mental: Thinkers → anxiety under stress.
- Gut: Intuitive types → anger under stress.
- Heart: Emotional types → neediness or withdrawal under stress.
Instinctual Drives:
- Self-preservation: Focused on safety and comfort.
- Social: Motivated by group belonging.
- One-to-One: Seeks deep personal connection.
Stress Responses (Karen Horney’s model):
- Toward: Seeks harmony.
- Against: Confronts conflict.
- Away: Withdraws from tension.

Understanding your own wiring—how you think, feel, relate, and react—is not a detour from spiritual growth, but part of its foundation. Tools like the Enneagram, when combined with meditation, become powerful aids in cultivating compassion for yourself and others. True spiritual insight begins with self-acceptance.

For more on the enneagram from a Buddhist perspective, check out my book, The Buddhist Enneagram: Nine Paths to Warriorship.

For more on Buddhist teachings and how our humanity isn’t necessarily in our way, sign up for my free weekly newsletter or join the Open Heart Project sangha for more connection with community and with me.

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Produced by Citizens of Sound