Is My Child A Monster? A Parenting Therapy Podcast Bonus Episode: Understanding Why a Good Parent-Child Fit Matters
Welcome to the first mini-bonus episode where I focus on one or two key concepts or skills in a conversation with my producer Alletta Cooper. Every once in a while we will add one of these bonus episodes to further explain a concept/skill that came up in the previous session. In this episode I explore and explain what the parent-child fit is and why it is so important. In parenting, there are often conflicting needs and wants. Navigating these dilemmas and finding solutions is critical for creating a validating environment which fosters a "good" parent-child fit.
Time Stamps
1:48 Defining the parent-child fit
3:21 The “goodness” of fit vs the “poor” fit
4:03 Creating a safe environment for the child to feel safe, feel capable, feel seen
4:45 Balancing between accepting your child vs changing your child
6:34 Figuring out what works to validate everyone’s needs
6:44 Respect = creating a validating environment
6:58 An example of unintentionally creating an invalidating environment
8:30 A dialectic dilemma is the tension between expectations or needs
8:40 The synthesis is the solution to the dilemma
9:10 Name it for the child that they may be different but not bad!
10:38 Asking parents to open their eyes to ALL of their children, not just the child with the disruptive behaviors
11:57 - 16:08 Steps to create a good parent-child fit
- This is called the bio-social fit - a transactional model
- Look at biological make up your child
- Look at the environment (the parent, the teacher, the classroom)
- Acknowledge the differences without judgement
- Validate, validate, validate
- Use flexible thinking and problem-solving including Brainstorming
- Balance between acceptance and change
- Be creative in your solutions
- Respect, connect and collaborate with your child
Resources:
Leslie’s Handout: Understanding the Parent Child Fit
Leslie-ism: Remember to respect, connect and collaborate with your child
For a full transcript of this episode and more information about the host visit https://lesliecohenrubury.com/podcasts/ . You can also follow Leslie’s work on Facebook, Instagram, TikTok and YouTube. Join the conversation with your own questions and parenting experiences.
Credits: Is My Child a Monster? is produced by Alletta Cooper, Camila Salazar, and Leslie Cohen-Rubury. Theme music is by L-Ray Music. Graphics and Website Design by Brien O’Reilly. Transcriptions by Eric Rubury. A special thanks to everyone who contributes their wisdom and support to make this possible.