In today’s episode, we’re exploring what avoidant attached people actually need to feel safe and secure in a relationship — and how partners can support that without self-abandoning.

Avoidant attachment is often misunderstood — labelled as cold, distant, or commitment-phobic. But when we look beneath those surface-level behaviours, what we often find is a deep need for space, safety, and self-reliance.

We’ll cover:

Why space needs to be respected, not punished
The importance of having a partner who can self-regulate rather than emotionally offload
How clear, direct, and honest communication builds safety
The value of each partner having a full, meaningful life outside the relationship
Why pacing matters — and how moving too fast can trigger shutdown
Balancing lightness and heaviness

Whether you’re avoidant yourself or in a relationship with someone who is, this episode will help you better understand the conditions that allow these relationships to thrive.

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#197: What Avoidant People Need to Thrive in a Relationship