Kelsey: What do conflict-avoiders need to know about our natural tendency to shy away from disagreements? I cared so much about harmony and being liked by my team that I wanted to keep the status quo, even though I knew it wasn't working. Kelsey: One of the things to know is that you're valuing something that's really important. Like Amy B., you might identify as someone who likes to avoid conflict, but you lean into the seeker style when needed.
People management consists of a fair amount of mediation and diplomacy, and you can’t expect to get the hang of it right away. You’re in the middle of a lot now. Initiating difficult conversations, and then getting all the way through them, takes planning and practice (and sometimes even a breather). Holding tension takes restraint.
Amy B and Kelsey interview Amy G about the types of conflict that new managers should expect to handle, as well as options for responding. They talk through real experiences and common scenarios. Like that time Kelsey needed to tell a direct report they were falling short of her expectations (but didn’t end up saying anything). Or that time Amy G started reporting to a friend. They also give guidance for intervening or not when team members are arguing and for discreetly clueing your group in about the office politics going on.
Resources:
Sign up for the Women at Work newsletter.
Email us: womenatwork@hbr.org