Q&A: Letting Go of Offenses

Every New Year, we set ambitious goals. Unfortunately, most of our resolutions fade faster than we would like to admit.

In this episode of Office Hours, I explain why New Year’s resolutions so often fail. This isn’t a question of discipline per se. Instead, our failure occurs because of the way we frame our goals (and how we sometimes set the wrong goals in the first place). I explain how these forces leave us feeling discouraged and stuck.

The good news: there’s a better way to set and achieve your New Year’s resolutions. I walk through how to design your goals in the right way, so that progress depends less on force of will and more on positive incentives. I break this into simple steps grounded in what we know about how people actually change.

If you are thinking about resolutions this year, this episode will help you choose goals that truly support your well-being.

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Where to find Arthur Brooks: 

• Website: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://arthurbrooks.com/⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

• Newsletter: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.arthurbrooks.com/newsletter⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

• X: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://x.com/arthurbrooks⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

• Instagram: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.instagram.com/arthurcbrooks/⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

• Facebook: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.facebook.com/ArthurBrooks/⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

• YouTube: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCGuyFRjJQFGCKzfHTBvWM6A⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

• LinkedIn: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.linkedin.com/in/arthur-c-brooks/⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

• Email: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠officehours@arthurbrooks.com⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

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Timestamps:

(00:00) Introduction

(02:36) Where New Year’s resolutions come from

(04:38) Why New Year’s resolutions often fail

(06:50) What the data says about resolution success

(08:35) Why positive goals work better than negative goals

(11:44) The forces outside you that sabotage your goals

(14:50) Step#1: Make your goals positive 

(19:12) Step #2: Tiny goals

(21:34) Step #3: The right way to have negative goals

(29:11) Why forgiveness is a powerful happiness goal

(31:51) Q&A: Keeping peace without ignoring others’ pain

(33:09) Q&A: Letting go of grievances

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Referenced:

• The Happiness Scale: https://learn.arthurbrooks.com/the-happiness-scale 

• How to Build a Life: https://www.theatlantic.com/projects/how-build-life/

• The Happiness Files: Insights on Work and Life: https://www.amazon.com/Happiness-Files-Insights-Arthur-Brooks/dp/B0F4MFQ6VN

• The Meaning of Your Life: Finding Purpose in an Age of Emptiness: https://www.amazon.com/Meaning-Your-Life-Finding-Emptiness/dp/0593545427

• The History of New Year’s Resolutions: https://www.history.com/articles/the-history-of-new-years-resolutions 

• New Year, new you: https://www.pewresearch.org/short-reads/2013/12/31/new-year-new-you 

• Auld lang syne: success predictors, change processes, and self-reported outcomes of New Year's resolvers and nonresolvers: https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/11920693 

• One in five Americans has stuck to their 2018 New Year’s Resolution: https://today.yougov.com/society/articles/21098-2018-new-years-resolutions-update

• ...References continued at: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.arthurbrooks.com/office-hours⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

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