Exploring the Origins and Universality of Romantic Love

Happy New Year 2024!

To celebrate the new year, Spotify sent me a bunch of data points about 2023. I was particularly interested in one question: which conversation moved people the most? I already knew which episode people played the most. (That's episode 17 with Bernardo Kastrup.) But to listen is one thing. To share with friends and family is another.

The most shared episode was my conversation with Helen Fisher, titled "A Cultural Biology of Sex, Love, and Monogamy". It was one of my favourite conversations, too. Fisher offered a sweeping take on romantic love, combining fascinating anthropology with practical tips about maintaining passion in relationships. She even convinced my parents to re-design their TV arrangement...

Perhaps it deserves one more share. So here you go!

___

ORIGINAL SHOW NOTES

Why do we love? And how much does our culture shape the way we do so?

In this episode, Ilari talks with Helen Fisher about the powers that drive and shape our romantic relationships. Ilari and Professor Fisher discuss:

• Is romantic love a modern invention?
• Is monogamy a social invention? 
• Do men care more about sex? Do women care more about romance?
• Why agriculture, especially with the plough, caused havoc in romantic relationships.
• Why divorces might be on the decline.
• A science-based guide for maintaining romantic relations (based on couples who are still in love after 25 years)
• Why (certain) antidepressants can kill the sex drive and blunt romantic love (to read more, see the end of the notes)
• How common is polygamy or polyandry? Where in the world do we find most "free love"?
• Why did homosexuality evolve?

Names mentioned

• Irenäus Eibl-Eibesfeldt (as recounted by Alison Gopnik in her The Gardener and the Carpenter)
• Bill Jankowiak
• Robert Sternberg (see episode 7)
• Anderson Thompson
• Bertrand Russell 

Technical terms and ethnic groups mentioned

• Ventral tegmental area VTA
• Hypothalamus
• Dopamine, testosterone, oxytocin, vasopressin, serotonine
• Monogamy (serial or lifelong; social or biological)
• Polygamy (several wives) and polyandry (several husbands) 
• Tlingit (the polyandrous Inuit society with wealthy women)
• Oneida community (in New York State)

Dig Deeper

Antidepressants: To read more about the possible effects of SSRIs on sex drive and romantic love, see ⁠Tocco and Brumbaugh (2019)⁠. Below is a list of possible alternatives or complements to SSRIs (please consult with your doctor in all matters related to pharmaceuticals):

• Fisher herself suggested that SNRIs could be less risky than SSRIs. Theoretically, dopamine reuptake inhibitors, such as bupropion, could also counter the risks associated with SSRIs (for a review, see ⁠Zisook et al. 2006⁠).
• For alternative or complementary oral treatments of depression, see research on supplementation with a high dosage of Omega 3 (EPA and DHA, not ALA) (for a review, see ⁠Bhat & Ara 2015⁠).

Polyamory: In the episode, Professor Fisher suggests that many Amazonian tribes have informal polyandry, i.e. women have many partners, albeit only one formal husband. However, there are ⁠non-academic sources⁠ suggesting that formalised polyandry is common in the Zo’é community in Amazon. For some of these photos of Zo’é and other Amazonian tribes, many of whom exhibit remarkably liberal attitudes to sex, see the ⁠recent Amazonia exhibition⁠ in the London Science Museum.