The Emotional Tools to Communicate Effectively

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I didn't have the emotional tools to communicate much early. I was using the frustration as an outlet with basketball and sports. That's what I did in football. You take all your anger out on someone else to inflict as much pain on them as possible. And this is literally just playing pick up basketball. Basketball in a frickin Beverly Hills. It's not like we're in the mean streets of Compton where there's bullets, wasn't around or something. This is just hanging out, having fun with a bunch of 20 something year olds playing pick up ball on probably one of the nicest looking pick up basketball courts you can find.

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Lewis Howes is a New York Times best-selling author, entrepreneur, speaker, and host of the popular podcast, The School of Greatness. In this episode, Lewis opens up about the various hardships and traumatic events he experienced starting at a very young age and reveals the valuable lessons he learned as he worked through those traumas to improve his emotional health. He talks about how his past hardships likely contributed to his success in business and athletics, only to leave him feeling unsatisfied and unfulfilled. Next, he discusses how many aspects of his life were suffering, the inflection point that drove Lewis to seek help, and the long but beautiful healing journey that followed. Lewis makes the case that adversity, and even trauma, can be beneficial if one finds meaning in tribulations and has the courage to face one’s fears and insecurities. Finally, Lewis shares the many modalities of therapy that helped him along the way and gives advice for those wanting to find inner peace and live a fulfilling, rich, abundant, joyful life.

We discuss:

Lewis’s upbringing and the impact of his older brother going to prison [2:45];
Finding lessons in tragedy and adversity [10:45];
Lasting trauma from being sexually abused at age 5 [13:15];
Inflection point that drove Lewis to seek help, and a beautiful experience at a therapeutic workshop [16:45];
A powerful workshop on emotional intelligence jump started Lewis’s healing journey [27:30];
How being authentic can strengthen bonds with family and bring inner peace [39:30];
Comparing adversity with trauma and finding meaning in struggle [45:15];
Association between adverse childhood events and diseases in adulthood [56:15];
How addressing his issues with intimate relationships helped Lewis overcome physical pain related to his past trauma [59:15];
Healing is a journey that takes time and requires courage to face your fears and insecurities [1:08:45];
How Lewis thinks about mortality and uses it as motivation to pursue his dreams [1:13:00];
How anyone can benefit from therapy or coaching, and Lewis’s advice for finding inner peace [1:22:45];
Lewis’s newest book, The Greatness Mindset [1:29:15]; and
More.