Defining Values Behaviorally for Boundaries

You didn’t choose chaos; your nervous system learned to crave it. Learn to read your body, set real boundaries, and stop mistaking calm for danger.

Amy Fiedler is a trauma specialist and coach known for practical, nervous-system-informed boundary work. She grew up around alcoholism and chronic shaming—an environment of denial, gaslighting, and volatility that wired her to over-tolerate. After years of toxic, abusive relationships, she chose herself, did the work, and now helps others do the same by rebuilding self-trust with values-based boundaries.

✨ What this episode explores:

▪️The 3–3–3 Boundary Method — How stating a limit up to three times with matched follow-through reveals remorse, accountability, and change—or signals it’s time to reduce access.

▪️From Triangulation to Truth — How to end go-between roles, speak directly, and set limits so sibling and parent dynamics stop running your life.

▪️Triggers as Data, Not Danger — How asking “history or violation?” in the moment turns reactivity into principled action.

▪️Safety Before Strategy — How regulating before you speak lets you set boundaries from values instead of panic.

▪️From Being Chosen to Choosing Yourself — What changes when you map the behaviors you value, decline what you don’t, and align consequences so self-respect outranks scarcity.

▪️Healing in Healthy Love — How co-regulation and repair with safe partners build capacity, even when old triggers surface.

Amy's IG - @amythelifecoach

-----------------------

⚓JOIN THE SHITSHOW — The Adult Child Healing Community

6 weekly Zoom support groups · Discussion boards · Peer connection

👉 theshitshow.mn.co

🗞️ SIGN UP FOR SHITSHOW NATION

Get the newsletter for community updates, healing insights & early access to workshops.

➡️ Join here

💁‍♀️ SUPPORT THE POD

☕ Buy Me a Coffee – help Andrea (and her cats) eat

🛍️ Shop Shitshow Merch

💬 CONNECT WITH ANDREA

Instagram → @adultchildpod

TikTok → @adultchildpod

YouTube → @adultchildpod

SPONSORS

Check out Uncommon Goods: https://uncommongoods.com/adultchild

Check out Calm: https://calm.com/ADULTCHILD

Check out Happy Mammoth, Use Code ADULTCHILD for 15% off happymammoth.com.

Check out SiderAL, Use Code ADULTCHILD for 10% off https://pharmanutra-us.com/

Check out Bioma for 15% of your order gobioma.com/adultchild

Our Sponsors:
* Check out Bioma Health and use my code ADULTCHILD for a great deal: https://gobioma.com/ADULTCHILD
* Check out Calm: https://calm.com/ADULTCHILD
* Check out Happy Mammoth and use my code ADULTCHILD for a great deal: https://happymammoth.com
* Check out PharmaNutra and use my code ADULTCHILD for a great deal: https://pharmanutra-us.com
* Check out Uncommon Goods: https://uncommongoods.com/adultchild


Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands

Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy