I was from enjoying anything because of the death of my motheryei really honestly, pete, i look back at that moment and i feel like i went to the edge of losing myself. I'lli'll talk a lot about it really distinctly in the book. But i was pig piled on in a way that you just a, you don't alway's come back from. You don't always get up from Wow. Men. Red, this is what we're talking about. That was you working yourself. Y, i wanted the simulation to end in some ways," he said.