In the death period of that experience, i allowed myself to watch my life from the eyes, from a witness perspective. And what i saw was i felt much compassion for me that i was so hard on. But in ourselves, we don't give ourselves permission to hold ourselves in that divine nurture that's part of us. A lot of it, too, can be self imposed, if you're pointing judgment towards yourself in any way to actually receive the support that you need to be really seen or witnessed in like the truest extent.
One of my best podcasts of all time, this emotional conversation that’s been 16 years in the making, is with my wife Vylana Marcus and former fiance / best friend Caitlyn Howe. We sit down with a bottle of whiskey and let it all out. We each take turns sharing our darkest hours and deepest shadows, with a lot of tears and a lot of laughs. We discuss my devastating 6 days in a darkness retreat, my ongoing relationship with self-love, the impetus of my name change from Chris to Aubrey Marcus, and the erotic aspect of harming oneself, to name a few themes. But perhaps most powerfully, Vylana and Caitlyn share their own shocking and emotional challenges in their relationship to the masculine.