How to Create a Secure Base for Your Partner

The key is to lay a good foundation, just establish a secure base. When it gets out on the table and the person gets a little bit of breathing room from it that they can then be flexible in relationship to it. What's really helpful at first, paradoxically, is to join with their view. Because it helps them be safer about it. If you're not, as threat goes up, so does inflexibility. It goes back to that evolutionary issue between flexibility and automaticity. And sometimes automaticity is a lot safer. So you want to lower the threat level so they can slow it down to be flexible for example.

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