ADHD Aha! cover image

ADHD and marriage (Rachel and Jon’s story)

ADHD Aha!

CHAPTER

How John and I Deal With ADHD Symptoms

Rachel and John have always had really, really excellent communication. She says she still does the lion's share of all the stuff around the house or child care. Rachel: I think my ADHD causes a burden on her because like, for example, looking at a room that needs to be cleaned is totally paralyzed with where to start.

00:00
Speaker 3
So and I say this with a lot of empathy as someone with ADHD, whose symptoms can cause friction in my own relationship, which is a very healthy relationship, but it can be hard. Did any of that or other ADHD symptoms has that led to any fighting or friction in your relationship and how have you dealt with
Speaker 1
that? Right from the beginning, I feel like John and I have always had really, really excellent communication. That's definitely been one of the strengths. And so we have not had a lot of fights about ADHD related things. Maybe it's harder for him to tidy up. You know, it's easier for me. So there's not exactly this shared chores around the house. Like I still do, you know, the lion's share of all the stuff around the house and the child care. And all the mundane tasks.
Speaker 2
I think my ADHD causes a burden on her because like, for example, and I think a lot of people who listen to this podcast will really resonate with looking at a room that needs to be cleaned and just being totally paralyzed at where to start. And you're like, I have no idea how this is going to get done. And if it does get done, it takes me all day, 10 hours, maybe two days to get a room clean. And it's finally clean and then the rest of the house is still a disaster. And she can clean the same room in like 30 minutes to an hour. She's like, boom, boom, boom, get it done. And I'm always amazed at how she can just do that. You don't have to deal with those executive functioning challenges, Rachel,
Speaker 3
but there's a different burden that you take on by. So yeah,
Speaker 2
I hear you both. I feel bad because I know that it exacts price on her and her emotional well-being because I'm putting more on her because I can't do as much as that's how I feel, at least with some things.
Speaker 1
The thing that makes the biggest difference is that John says stuff like that to me. And he's really, really good about saying stuff like that to me, like from the beginning, from when we first started seeing each other, everybody wants to be seen unheard. It would be nice if things felt a little more fair, you know, maybe I did half the work, he did half the work. That would be nice. But what's even more important than that is that the work that I do gets recognized. And I get seen and that's understood. And so that's been super helpful for me because I know it's so easy for a lot of the non-ADHD partners to grow resentful of having to overcompensate and shoulder more of the burden at home. Yeah, day to day matters. Exactly. It's been super, super helpful for us that John is always so forthcoming to me. Like, wow, you did so much here. I don't know how you did that and I think you're amazing and not just pay lip service, but really, really mean
Speaker 3
it.

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