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The Affirmative Mindset Approach to Disagreement
The jumping off point for both of those types of conversations is disagreement. What often happens is people very automatically and very quickly explain the disagreement to themselves in their own mind. The angry mindset approach is I know you're disagreesing with me, but I don't understand why you're disagreeing with me. So then you walk in with saying, look, I noticed that you were proposing doing it this other way. That's not how I've ever thought about it. Tell me more about why you're thinking about it this way. They're not mutually exclusive, but it's really thinking about different goals"