Assertive vs. Agreeable Tension

Why good communication requires presence, not performance.

Effective communication isn't about perfecting your performance. According to Dr. Kate Mason, it's about being powerfully present.

Mason is a world champion debater, executive communication coach, and author of the book Powerfully Likeable. In her work coaching senior executives to communicate more effectively, she emphasizes that it’s not about creating a performative persona, it’s about uncovering the authentic communicator you already are. “The coaching is just bringing the real parts of you to the fore,” she says, “uncovering rather than totally building from scratch. A lot of people come to me and say, I need to be more warm or more insert adjective here. And I say, I'm not gonna help you be more warm if that's not what's coming naturally to you. I am gonna help you work out the thing you're already doing, the thing you're already saying, how to make that comfortable for people around you.”

In this episode of Think Fast, Talk Smart, Mason and host Matt Abrahams discuss strategies for more present communication. From avoiding "imposing syndrome” to reducing “the delta between your real self and that corporate persona,” Mason's insights explore how we can bring more of our true selves to the table.

To listen to the extended Deep Thinks version of this episode, please visit FasterSmarter.io/premium.

Episode Reference Links:

• Dr. Kate Mason
• Kate’s Book: Powerfully Likeable
• Ep. 210 First Impression to Lasting Impact: Use Status Strategically 

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• Matt Abrahams >>> LinkedIn

Chapters:

• (00:00) - Introduction
• (02:32) - Why Confidence Is the Wrong Goal
• (03:55) - Bridging Your Real and Work Selves
• (05:27) - What Is Imposing Syndrome?
• (07:01) - Catching Yourself Shrinking
• (08:58) - Rethinking Imposter Syndrome
• (10:15) - Assertive vs. Agreeable
• (12:40) - Naming Your Communication Style
• (15:38) - What You Say vs. How You Show Up
• (17:43) - Body Language That Signals Openness
• (19:04) - Executive Messaging Lessons
• (22:01) - The Final Three Questions
• (26:51) - Conclusion

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