Taming Your Triggers Workshop
Ready to break free from the cycle of triggered reactions and conflict in your parenting journey?
If you want to:
😟 Be triggered less often by your child’s behavior,
😐 React from a place of compassion and empathy instead of anger and frustration,
😊 Respond to your child from a place that’s aligned with your values rather than reacting in the heat of the moment,
the Taming Your Triggers workshop will help you make this shift.
Join us to transform conflict into connection and reclaim peace in your parenting journey.
227: Where emotions come from (and why it matters) Part 2
Your Parenting Mojo - Respectful, research-based parenting ideas to help kids thrive
Navigating Emotional Complexity in Parenting
This chapter explores the intricacies of parental communication, focusing on how to effectively address the emotional needs of children during conflicts. It highlights the use of 'as if' moments to foster emotional understanding and flexibility, while advocating for treating children as individuals with distinct emotional preferences. The discussion also touches on the balance between empathy and solutions, emphasizing the importance of distinguishing personal feelings from parental expectations.
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Understanding Emotions: Insights from Dr. Lisa Feldman Barrett
In our last conversation with Dr. Lisa Feldman Barrett [Where emotions come from (and why it matters) Part 1] a couple of weeks ago we looked at her theory of where emotions originate. This has important implications for things like:
- How our 'body budgets' affect our feelings
- How we make meaning from our feelings so our internal experience makes sense
- That we don't always understand other people's feelings very well!
The introduction to the theory plus the conversation plus the take-home messages would have made for an unwieldy episode, so I split it in half.
Today we conclude the conversation with Dr. Barrett and I also offer some thoughts about things I think are really important from across the two episodes, including:
- What we can do with the information our feelings give us
- How long we should support children in feeling their feelings (given that they don't always mean what we think they mean!) and when we should help them move on
- Some tools we can use to re-regulate in difficult moments with our kids
Sign up for the waitlist and we'll let you know once enrollment re-opens. Click the image below to learn more.
Dr. Lisa Feldman Barrett's Books (Affiliate Links)
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00:59 Introducing today’s episode and featured guests 05:01 People in chaotic or uncertain situations, like poverty or neurodivergence, face greater challenges due to the increased stress on their body budgets. 18:02 Understanding and managing personal needs as a parent, along with emotional flexibility, can lead to more effective responses to children. 23:46 Parents need to balance their own feelings with their children's by asking if their kids want empathy or help. They should remember that every interaction is a chance to teach kids how to manage their emotions. 31:07 Parents can view their empathy for their children as a sign of competence, balancing their own needs with their child's emotions. 34:22 Jen draws conclusions from Dr. Lisa Feldman Barrett’s research on emotions, highlighting how parents can use this understanding to empower their children in navigating feelings and enhancing emotional literacy.References
Barrett, L. F., Adolphs, R., Marsella, S., Martinez, A. M., & Pollak, S. D. (2019). Emotional expressions reconsidered: Challenges to inferring emotion from human facial movements. Psychological Science in the Public Interest, 20, 1–68.Barrett, L.F. (2012). Emotions are real. Emotion 12(3), 413-429.
Barrett, L.F., Gross, J., Christensen, T.C., & Benvenuto, M. (2001). Knowing what you’re feeling and knowing what to do about it: Mapping the relation between emotion differentiation and emotion regulation. Cognition and Emotion 15(6), 713-724.
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Pratt, M., Singer, M., Kanat-Maymon, Y., & Feldman, R. (2015). Infant negative reactivity defines the effects of parent–child synchrony on physiological and behavioral regulation of social stress. Development and Psychopathology, 27(4pt1), 1191-1204.
Theriault, J.E., Young, L., & Barrett, L.F. (2021). Situating and extending the sense of should: Reply to comments on “The sense of should: A biologically-based framework for modeling social pressure.” Physics of Life Reviews 37, 10-16.
Theriault, J.E., Young, L., & Barrett, L.F. (2021). The sense of should: A biologically-based framework for modeling social pressure. Physics of Life Reviews 36, 100-136.
Tugade, M.M., Fredrickson, B.L., & Barrett, L.F. (2004). Psychological resilience and positive emotional granularity: Examining the benefits of positive emotions on coping and health. Journal of Personality 72(6), 1161-1190.
Waters, S. F., West, T. V., & Mendes, W. B. (2014). Stress contagion: Physiological covariation between mothers and infants. Psychological science, 25(4), 934-942.
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Xu, F., Cote, M., & Baker, A. (2005). Labeling guides object individuation in 12 month old infants. Psychological Science 16(5), 372-377.
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