If over half of marriages end in divorce, what are the skills to make sure your relationship stays in the successful 50%?
Drs. John and Julie Gottman are world leading relationship researchers that have been studying couples for over 40 years, publishing over 200 academic journal articles and 46 books. They are the co-founders of The Gottman Institute and Love Lab.
In this conversation the Gottman’s and Steven discuss topics such as, the 3 skills you need for a healthy relationship, the steps to repair a relationship after an argument, why kissing can extend your life, and how cuddling leads to a better sex life.
(00:00) Intro
(02:07) What mission are you on & Why study love?
(06:30) Studying traits of successful couples
(08:27) Link between relationships & our health
(12:15) What is the love lab?
(15:05) The misconceptions about relationships
(17:16) How to connect with your partner
(27:08) What is the 'attuned' framework?
(32:10) Why does typical couples therapy often fail?
(34:41) The 7 Principles of a successful marriage
(38:09) Do partners' dreams need to be aligned?
(40:09) 69% of our problems are not solvable
(48:05) What to do when your partner wants to change you
(50:43) The four horsemen
(57:45) What is flooding?
(1:02:55) What's a 'caretaker' in a relationship
(1:05:55) Conflict misunderstandings
(1:07:58) How to become a master at conflict resolution
(1:11:05) How to repair/fix relationship issues
(1:18:46) What have you learnt about the role of kissing
(1:21:49) The role of sex in a relationship
(1:29:22) Our society is becoming more sexless
(1:31:42) Men struggling to figure out where they fit into society
(1:37:14) What do women really want in a man?
(1:39:23) Talking about sex makes your sex life better
(1:43:54) Betrayal in a relationship
(1:44:38) The traits that show a failing relationship
(1:48:44) Asking your partner their dreams
(1:50:52) Advice to give a relationship its best shot
(1:52:45) The most interesting conclusions from the love lab
(1:55:03) What does Julie mean to you, John
(1:56:00) What does John mean to you, Julie
(1:58:02) Why did you write this book
(1:59:18) The Last Guest's question
You can purchase the Gottman’s new book, ‘Fight Right: How Successful Couples Turn Conflict into Connection’, here: https://amzn.to/3TDm5Fx
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