Sally Kohn: We sometimes have expectations that aren't necessarily helping us. One of my faverite ideas in the book is cases where we have what you might call vague expectations. So, i'm going to work out more. Well, maybe you did. Maybe last week you didn't work out at all and this week you worked out twice. But you feel guilty because you still haven't done enough. And so when you find yourself in the hole, i've not done enough for i need to do more, ask, well, how much would be enough? How much is more?
If you've done something wrong, feelings of guilt can prompt us to apologise, make amends and change our ways. But many of us also feel guilty with little cause. We may think we're bad parents, lazy or incompetent workers, or unreliable partners - all without much evidence that we've done anything wrong.
Life coach Valorie Burton (author of Let Go Of The Guilt: Stop Beating Yourself Up And Take Back Your Joy) felt guilty for combining her career with raising a family - until she started examining the values and assumptions that underpinned these draining feelings. She shares the strategies she developed to separate 'true' guilt from 'false' guilt with Dr Laurie Santos.
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