How Trauma Showed Up in Romantic Relationships

You didn’t choose chaos; your nervous system learned to crave it. Learn to read your body, set real boundaries, and stop mistaking calm for danger.

Amy Fiedler is a trauma specialist and coach known for practical, nervous-system-informed boundary work. She grew up around alcoholism and chronic shaming—an environment of denial, gaslighting, and volatility that wired her to over-tolerate. After years of toxic, abusive relationships, she chose herself, did the work, and now helps others do the same by rebuilding self-trust with values-based boundaries.

✨ What this episode explores:

▪️The 3–3–3 Boundary Method — How stating a limit up to three times with matched follow-through reveals remorse, accountability, and change—or signals it’s time to reduce access.

▪️From Triangulation to Truth — How to end go-between roles, speak directly, and set limits so sibling and parent dynamics stop running your life.

▪️Triggers as Data, Not Danger — How asking “history or violation?” in the moment turns reactivity into principled action.

▪️Safety Before Strategy — How regulating before you speak lets you set boundaries from values instead of panic.

▪️From Being Chosen to Choosing Yourself — What changes when you map the behaviors you value, decline what you don’t, and align consequences so self-respect outranks scarcity.

▪️Healing in Healthy Love — How co-regulation and repair with safe partners build capacity, even when old triggers surface.

Amy's IG - @amythelifecoach

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