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Here's what nobody tells you about chronic work stress: it doesn't just make you tired or irritable. It shuts down your ability to feel anything at all. Guy Winch has worked with hundreds of people who thought they'd fallen out of love with their partners, only to discover something more unsettling. They hadn't fallen out of love. They'd gone numb. When you're treading water with the stress level up to your neck, your brain does something protective but devastating. It turns off the feelings to help you function. The problem is, it doesn't just turn off the stress. It turns off everything. You come home at the end of the day, and when your partner goes to hug you, you're stiff. You're still in work mode. You can't feel the warmth, the connection, the love. And after enough times being rejected like that, your partner stops being a fan too. That's when the real distance starts.
Guy reveals something that changes everything: your partner probably didn't change at all. You did. And here's the breakthrough that makes this bearable to hear. You can change yourself back. Stop telling yourself your job is "very stressful" because that narrative reinforces the numbness and keeps you on constant alert. Even firefighters, who literally run into burning buildings, describe their jobs as "intermittently stressful" because they recognize the downtime. If they can reframe their reality, you can too. Find the moments between the stress. Prepare your favorite lunch. Listen to music that brings you joy. Crack jokes with coworkers. Create tiny pockets of feeling throughout your day. Lower the water level first, then reconnect with what you love. Your relationship isn't broken. You're just drowning, and you need to learn how to breathe again.
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