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"Instead of talking about what the problem was, I would walk around the bushes and come up with all these different examples... because I was conditioned that way." - Martha Higareda Howes
Martha Higareda Howes knows what it's like to walk on eggshells in love. After surviving a relationship with someone diagnosed with narcissistic personality disorder, she found herself so conditioned to fear conflict that even bringing up the smallest concern felt impossible. In her new marriage to Lewis, she'd create elaborate stories with salt and pepper shakers rather than simply say what was bothering her - anything to avoid what she'd been trained to expect: explosive reactions to the slightest issue. Her journey from that hypervigilant state to healthy communication reveals just how deeply past trauma can rewire our ability to be honest with the people we love most.
What makes this conversation so powerful isn't just Martha's vulnerability about her past, but the practical wisdom she and Lewis share about creating safety in relationships. They dive into their approach to "conscious conflict resolution" - a way of addressing problems that doesn't put anyone in defensive mode but instead opens the door for real understanding. If you've ever found yourself avoiding difficult conversations, storing up resentment, or struggling to speak your truth in love, their insights about moving from elaborate analogies to direct, loving communication could transform how you connect with others.
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