How Failure Can Build Trust, Not Shame

If you’ve ever waited to “feel confident” before you take the leap… congratulations, you’ve been scammed by your own brain. In this episode of This Is Woman’s Work, Nicole Kalil goes full confidence-nerd (with the occasional rant) with Dr. Shadé Zahrai—behavioral researcher, peak performance educator, and author of Big Trust—to expose what confidence actually is, why self-doubt doesn’t disappear, and how to build real self-trust that holds up when life gets messy.

What we get into:

• Why confidence isn’t the opposite of self-doubt (and why that myth keeps you stuck)

• The thing you actually need first: self-trust / Big Trust—backing yourself before the outcome is guaranteed

• How “failure” can build confidence if you stop making it mean you are a failure

• The self-image trap (including a wild scar study that proves your brain will invent reality if you let it)

• The Four A’s of Big Trust: Acceptance, Agency, Autonomy, Adaptability (aka the internal upgrades your confidence has been begging for)

• The 4 Inner Deceivers (and the bonus villain):

• The Classic Judge (never impressed, always loud)

• The Misguided Protector (aka fear dressed up as “logic”)

• The Ringmaster (grind culture’s toxic BFF)

• The Neglector (everyone else first… until you break)

• The Victimizer (outsourcing your power like it’s a hobby)

If self-doubt is showing up, it doesn’t mean you’re broken—it means you’re human and doing something that matters. Build Big Trust, take the step anyway, and let confidence catch up like it always does.

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Connect with Shadé :

Website: https://www.shadezahrai.com/ 

Book: https://www.shadezahrai.com/bigtrust?utm_source=chatgpt.com 

IG: https://www.instagram.com/shadezahrai/ 

LI: https://th.linkedin.com/in/shadezahrai?trk=public_post_feed-actor-name 

TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@shadezahrai?lang=en 

Youtube: https://www.youtube.com/c/shadezahrai 

Related Podcast Episodes:

• VI4P – What Confidence Is, What It Isn’t, and Why It Matters (Chapter 1) | 168 
• 197 / Fear & Failure (Part 1) with Amy Green Smith
• Confidence Isn’t Born, It’s Built — Lessons from the Cockpit to Real Life with Michelle “MACE” Curran | 343

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