What 'roommate syndrome' feels like

Most couples don't drift apart because they stop loving each other—they drift apart because no one ever taught them how to stay connected. In this episode, I sit down with Mark and Brianna Carey, a powerhouse husband-and-wife team who work with couples on intimacy, communication, and emotional safety, to unpack what really happens to marriage after kids enter the picture.

We talk openly about why intimacy breaks down in the early years of parenting, why sex is rarely the real problem, and how resentment quietly builds when couples stop having honest conversations. Mark and Brianna share powerful insights around postpartum realities for both men and women, desire discrepancy, emotional safety, tonality, and the small misfires that slowly turn partners into roommates. If you want real tools to rebuild connection—not surface-level advice—this conversation will meet you right where you are.

Timeline Summary

[0:00] Why couples drift apart without ever stopping loving each other

[2:08] Introducing Mark and Brianna Carey and their work with couples

[3:15] Why sex is often the symptom—not the problem—in marriage

[4:00] How kids, stress, exhaustion, and resentment fuel disconnection

[6:03] Brianna's background in sexual health education and intimacy coaching

[8:02] Why women often don't feel empowered to talk about sex

[10:34] Desire discrepancy and why it's normal in long-term relationships

[11:17] Invitation to the Dad Edge Alliance and Boardroom

[14:00] Emotional intimacy and the depth of real connection

[15:12] Assumptions, misfires, and missed bids for connection

[17:15] Why individuality actually fuels attraction in marriage

[18:25] Communicating directly about intimacy without pressure

[21:31] The first domino of disconnection after having kids

[22:54] Children as magnifiers of unhealed wounds and identity shifts

[24:58] Postpartum realities for women—and why it's rarely discussed

[25:17] Postpartum identity struggles for fathers

[26:03] What "roommate syndrome" feels like for both partners

[27:22] Feeling "touched out" and navigating physical boundaries

[30:11] The pressure of the six-week postpartum clearance myth

[33:02] How resentment forms and why it's so dangerous

[34:00] Why talking about divorce can actually strengthen commitment

[36:33] "Name it to tame it" and removing fear from hard conversations

[43:14] Why most conflict is unresolvable—and how to manage it

[45:07] Trauma, tonality, and recurring relationship patterns

[47:49] How tone changes meaning more than words

[50:19] Intent vs. impact and closing the communication gap

[54:07] How Mark and Brianna work with couples together

[55:24] Why intensity of support must match intensity of problems

[58:27] Webinar announcement and upcoming relationship resources

Five Key Takeaways

1. Intimacy fades when couples stop communicating—not when attraction disappears.
2. Desire discrepancy is normal, but silence around it breeds resentment.
3. Postpartum challenges affect both partners, including identity loss and emotional disconnect.
4. Tone and emotional safety matter as much as words when navigating conflict and intimacy.
5. Connection—not performance—is the fastest path back to intimacy.

Links & Resources:

• Dad Edge Alliance: https://thedadedge.com/alliance
• Intimacy Evolution Website: https://www.intimacyevolution.com
• Webinar Registration: https://intimacyevolution.kit.com/9a33bf4eaa
• Intimacy Evolution on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/intimacy_evolution
• Brianna Carey on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/brianna_carey
• Mark Carey on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/mark__carey
• Episode Show Notes & Resources: https://thedadedge.com/1425

Closing Remark

If this episode helped you see your marriage differently—or gave you language for conversations you've been avoiding—please rate, review, follow, and share the podcast. Strong marriages aren't built by guessing; they're built through connection, courage, and intentional leadership.