Weddings vs. marriage: planning the wrong thing

What do you need from a partner that you haven’t been getting?

How can someone show up for you in a way that meets that need?

Today, Jay sits down with renowned divorce attorney and author James Sexton for a conversation that redefines what it means to love and be loved. With over twenty-five years spent guiding couples through heartbreak and separation, James has witnessed both the beauty and the brutality of human connection. Together, he and Jay explore the paradox of marriage: how something that begins with so much hope can unravel through silence, misunderstanding, and unmet needs. James shares that the greatest threat to relationships isn’t cheating or money, it’s disconnection: the slow fading of curiosity, gratitude, and presence that turns partners into strangers.

Jay and James invite listeners to look past the fairytale version of romance and into the real work of partnership. They talk about how we’re taught to plan weddings rather than marriages, and why the most meaningful moments come from small, steady acts of care, not grand romantic gestures. Whether it’s remembering to replace a partner’s favorite granola or reaching for their hand without being asked, James shows that a strong marriage isn’t about avoiding conflict, but about staying close even in the uncomfortable moments. He reminds us that love isn't for the faint of heart. It’s an act of courage, one that asks for honesty, vulnerability, and the discipline to keep showing up, especially when it’s hardest.

The conversation becomes less about divorce and more about what love is really made of. Jay and James uncover how relationships can serve as mirrors, revealing our insecurities, our longing to be seen, and our deepest fears of unworthiness. They remind us that to truly love another person, we must also learn to love ourselves, flaws, imperfections, and all.

In this interview, you'll learn:

How to Stay Connected in Love

How to Keep the Spark Alive in Marriage

How to Recognize When Disconnection Begins

How to Argue Without Breaking the Bond

How to Rebuild Trust After Betrayal

How to Talk About Difficult Topics with Compassion

How to Choose Courage Over Comfort in Relationships

Whether you’re married, single, healing, or starting over, this episode is a masterclass in emotional intelligence, offering timeless wisdom on how to nurture connection, protect what matters, and find courage in the vulnerability that love demands. 

With Love and Gratitude,

Jay Shetty

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What We Discuss:

00:00 Intro

00:29 The Real Reasons Marriages Fall Apart

02:39 Why Do We Still Get Married?

04:40 The Truth About the Wedding Industry

08:54 What Divorce Really Looks Like

13:16 The Hard Conversations Bring You Closer

15:44 What is the True Cause of Divorce?

22:48 The Power of Small Gestures in Love

28:52 Simple Ways to Appreciate Your Partner

32:09 How We Repeat Our Parents’ Patterns

38:41 Navigating Love After Having a Child

42:55 How to Reconnect with What Brought You Together

46:17 Why Does Asking For Love Feel Needy?

50:10 Designing the Ideal Contract for Modern Love

57:55 Understanding the Connection Between Desire and Disconnection

01:01:13 Commitment vs. Passion

01:07:07 How to Begin the Conversations You’ve Been Avoiding

01:11:47 The Lies We Tell Ourselves in Love

01:16:05 Should You Get a Prenup?

01:22:26 How to Bring Up The Prenup

01:29:45 Talk Through Your Anger, Don’t Act On It 

01:31:18 Using Love As a Weapon

01:36:17 Should You Fight for It or Let Go?

01:42:59 How Parental Conflict Affects Children

01:48:59 Be the Calm Your Child Needs

01:59:09 The Real Problems Marriage Can’t Solve

02:02:52 Who Files For Divorce More: Men or Women?

02:07:46 How Divorce Impacts Men and Women Differently

02:13:39 James on Final Five

Episode Resources:

James Sexton | Website

James Sexton | Instagram

James Sexton | TikTok

James Sexton | LinkedIn

James Sexton | X

How to Stay in Love: A Divorce Lawyer's Guide to Staying Together

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