2min chapter

The Imperfects cover image

Lael Stone - Creating Emotionally Intelligent Humans

The Imperfects

CHAPTER

Setting a Boundary With Calmness and Compassion

We need our children to have a voice and we need them to stand up for things when things aren't okay. How do they learn to do that in the safest environment, which is at home? Parents who are not comfortable with being challenged often punish their kids or yell at them for challenging them. And so then we hold the space for the feelings that come from that. So setting a boundary with calmness and compassion. I love to give parents a visual. Imagine that you're anchored like you're a tree and your feet are on the ground. You're solid with, you know, but your heart's really open, right? Because then you're going to be connected and you're

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Speaker 1
You
Speaker 2
know what, it makes sense because I remember listening to some of the content and some of the videos that you did with Ali of Dao. And obviously, he's had some amazing people on his podcast. And I'm sure just like in his life, even outside of content, he's met some incredible people. I remember him saying, the thing that stood out about you was like how you develop relationships, your ability to build relationships. When I heard you say what you just said, it's like it makes sense, right? Because the best relationships are win-win. So it's like if you're creating value together, if it's win-win, even what you were saying about, you just go hard for your friends. It's like that's reciprocated. It's like value. So you do this thing. And even though this isn't your intention, this isn't why you're making friends, in the long term, all of that love, all of that support, all of that friendship is paid back to you 10 times. Yeah. And I want to go back to something that you said when you were talking about friends. And here is what I think is really the critical thing for people. Because you said a lot of great things. You said about going hard for your friends, doing anything for them. I want to take it one step before that, which is selecting the friends. And here's why I think that's important is, especially when we go back to the conversation around parents, how we grew up, the foundation. I all think to differing degrees, we're dealing with trauma, right? There's things that have happened in our past, which continue to affect us today and going into the future. And this is the case with friendship. This is the case I've learned personally, also with relationships. A lot of the time, it's like when you go into school and you're at the lunch table and there's like, there's a table that you want to sit at. Oh, yeah. Every person has this.
Speaker 1
Yeah. You're like, I want to, I want those people to like me.

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