Relationship expert Baya Voce reveals why the fairy tale version of love is setting us up for failure—and what actually creates lasting intimacy. She shares her personal journey from serial people-pleasing to building genuine connection, including the painful lesson of being engaged to someone who fabricated his entire identity. Most people never exit the "power struggle" phase of relationships because they've never learned the one skill that matters most: how to repair after conflict. Baya explains why therapy at the beginning of a relationship changes everything, how your nervous system—not your personality—determines who you attract, and why the ability to sit in emotional discomfort is more valuable than chemistry. You'll walk away understanding that love isn't about finding someone perfect—it's about two imperfect people learning to heal together.
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In this episode you will:
- Discover why conflict is required for intimacy – Not optional, not avoidable, but essential for moving beyond surface connection into true partnership and interdependence
- Master the art of emotional regulation – Learn why this single skill, according to neuroscientists, determines your success in every relationship more than communication or compatibility
- Transform your nervous system response – Understand how your physiological health—thyroid, cortisol, sleep—directly impacts your ability to stay calm during disagreements
- Break free from the change-accept paradox – Stop trying to fix your partner or change yourself to please them, and learn the framework for healthy boundaries that create mutual respect
- Learn to repair instead of run – Access the exact framework (truth, agreement, responsibility) for having difficult conversations that strengthen rather than damage your connection
For more information go to https://lewishowes.com/1836
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More SOG episodes we think you’ll love:
Esther Perel – greatness.lnk.to/1686SC
Martha Higareda Howes – greatness.lnk.to/1788SC
Jillian Turecki – greatness.lnk.to/1740SC
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