The Dangers of Asking Why Someone's Doing Something

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You can't presume you know what's going on. The minute you start telling them why they're doing something, you've totally offended them. You have to find a way to genuinely be curious about what's actually going on. And imputing motive is almost always going to get you on the wrong track,. There's research. I think it was Lindy Greer at Michigan who looked at what happens when you assign people feelings.

People management consists of a fair amount of mediation and diplomacy, and you can’t expect to get the hang of it right away. You’re in the middle of a lot now. Initiating difficult conversations, and then getting all the way through them, takes planning and practice (and sometimes even a breather). Holding tension takes restraint.

Amy B and Kelsey interview Amy G about the types of conflict that new managers should expect to handle, as well as options for responding. They talk through real experiences and common scenarios. Like that time Kelsey needed to tell a direct report they were falling short of her expectations (but didn’t end up saying anything). Or that time Amy G started reporting to a friend. They also give guidance for intervening or not when team members are arguing and for discreetly clueing your group in about the office politics going on.

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