Teaching Children the Urge versus Action Distinction

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This chapter explores the importance of guiding children to regulate their emotions and redirect their actions in a positive way. It emphasizes teaching kids the responsibility of evaluating their behavior, apologizing, repairing, and learning from their mistakes.

We have emotions. We experience stressful situations. We have intrusive thoughts.

So really what we have to teach our kids, Dr. Becky writes in her incredible book Good Inside (must read!), is how to differentiate urge from action. “Having the urge to bite is okay,” she explains, “biting a person is not. Having the urge to hit is okay; hitting a person is not okay.” We know this to be true in our adult lives—that there’s a big difference between being angry and then doing something rash or irresponsible or hurtful out of anger. We know that we can type the email and not send it. We know that we can want to quit on the spot but think better of it.

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