Tension fuels the conflict of the mind, a relaxed mind happens through acceptance. What i'm telling you to do and sit with the eye, is very hard. This is why there are literally books on meditation which describe all these techniques that you have discoered,. closing of the eyes, reducing your cause. And i would venture that when you touch the railing, you see less, and that if you touch the yes, it's cool. Like misgiff, i don't think you're cursed. I think you're gifted. It's just the problem is that you just don't know it yet.