EAR Statements to Calm Upset People

We’re looking at HCPs in the workplace and how to use BIFF at work.

A narcissistic boss. Have you had one? It’s pretty common, so you’re lucky if you haven’t experienced the dread of waking every morning knowing you must face your boss for the next eight hours. Condescending comments and zingers. Out-of-control narcissistic rage from a narcissistic injury. Storming off to HR, their manager, the CEO — anywhere they go to let out their frustrations — which are many. It seems there’s always a dilemma, which obviously is a major time suck. What’s behind this? And what can be done to manage it? Is termination the only option for a high conflict employee? Or do you just remain in misery? Should you quit or should you stay?

Knowing how challenging it can be to handle a narcissistic supervisor, manager, or boss of any kind, Bill and Megan talk about the driving forces behind this high conflict personality type and discuss some specific tips for managing the HCP instead of letting them make you miserable. The good news: it is possible to turn things around using the right skills. Your life gets easier if you use these when dealing with a hostile boss, an undermining co-worker, a disruptive team member or any high conflict situation.

Bill and Megan also discuss their thoughts on media observations about whether Steve Jobs from Apple was a high conflict personality, as well as Elizabeth Holmes, who is currently standing trial in federal court for her alleged misdeeds as CEO of Theranos.

If you’re in a situation with a Narcissistic HCP at work, try one of these communication tools: an EAR Statement™ or BIFF Response®.

Empathy • Attention • Respect: an EAR Statement is all you need to remember when communicating verbally with a Narcissistic HCP.
Brief • Informative • Friendly • Firm: use a BIFF Response when communicating in writing. They’re easy to learn, but can be hard to do in the moment, so it will take some practice, especially if you’re emotionally hooked.

We’d love to hear your stories so we can talk through them on the show! Please visit our site and click the ‘Submit a Question’ button at the top of the page. You can also send us an email at podcast@highconflictinstitute.com or send us a note on any of our socials.

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Links & Other Notes

• Book: BIFF at Work
• Book: Calming Upset People with EAR
• Book: It’s All Your Fault: Managing Narcissists and Other High Conflict People
• Training: New Ways for Work (a coaching method for dealing with HCPs in the workplace)
• Article: Do Narcissists Make Good Leaders in Business?
• Article: Fire or Keep High Conflict Employees?
• All of our books can be found in our online store or anywhere books are sold, including as e-books and some in audio format.

Submit a Question for Bill and Megan

You can also find these show notes at highconflictinstitute.com/podcast as well.

• (00:00) - Welcome to It's All Your Fault
• (01:43) - High Conflict Personalities in the Workplace
• (02:57) - The Narcissistic Boss
• (07:19) - Is There Healthy Narcissism?
• (09:33) - Narcissistic CEOs
• (10:45) - Emotional HCPs
• (16:58) - A Few Examples Within Organizations
• (20:12) - Steve Jobs
• (22:39) - Using EAR Statements
• (25:41) - An Example and 'Sorry'
• (28:21) - Using BIFF Responses
• (30:25) - An Example Using BIFF
• (33:29) - Reminders & Coming Next Week: 5 Types of People Who Can Ruin Your Life