Befriending Our Habits (Episode #44)
The Way Out Is In
The Inability to Change Is a Guarantee of Failure
A lot of people start off with this idea that you actually need to get rid of them. And so what one of the things I heard in what you said is often we, we use our failure to change our habits to confirm our bad habits that we're not good enough. So actually we use the inability to change as a way of berating ourselves. A lot of people, they write the list and they think I should transform them all, which is a guarantee of failure. Because actually, the truth is you're not going to do all those 10."
Welcome to episode 44 of The Way Out Is In: The Zen Art of Living, a podcast series mirroring Zen Master Thich Nhat Hanh’s deep teachings of Buddhist philosophy: a simple yet profound methodology for dealing with our suffering, and for creating more happiness and joy in our lives.
In the first podcast recording of 2023, the presenters – Zen Buddhist monk Brother Phap Huu and journalist Jo Confino – discuss habits, both the positive ones that help us lead better lives, but also those that can cause us harm and make our lives difficult. Both presenters share negative and positive habits, and the difficulties of transformation.
Can you guess the negative habit both presenters have in common? And how can we transform our negative habits and bring more positive habits into our lives? Is it possible to truly transform at the base? How important is friendship in facing our habits? Also, what is ‘shining the light’ and how can this Plum Village practice help us?
Brother Phap Huu shares on the topic of the most recent practice of shining the light during the annual Rains Retreat; rushing energy; generosity; dealing with inferiority complexes and accepting ourselves; folding clothes; mirroring each other’s transformation of habits; the interbeing of the community; and collective awakening through individuals’ positive habits. And what did Thich Nhat Hanh mean by “happiness is a habit”?
Jo delves into sharing the light for lay practitioners; seeing the best in people and watering people’s positive flowers; cultivating awareness; speed, chasing deadlines, and rushing as a way of life; inherited habits; fear of humiliation; and the interbeing of complexes. And what happens when you look deeply at just one bad habit?
The episode ends with a short meditation guided by Brother Phap Huu.
Co-produced by the Plum Village App:
https://plumvillage.app/
And Global Optimism:
https://globaloptimism.com/
With support from the Thich Nhat Hanh Foundation:
https://thichnhathanhfoundation.org/
List of resources
‘Shining the Light’
https://www.parallax.org/mindfulnessbell/article/shining-the-light/
How to Take Care of the Habit Energy of Worrying https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jANxd6YGdAA
‘Home Practices for the Rains Retreat’
https://plumvillage.org/articles/home-practices-for-the-rains-retreat/
The Four Noble Truths
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dy-RI3FrdGA
‘The Five Mindfulness Trainings’
https://plumvillage.org/mindfulness/the-5-mindfulness-trainings/
The Seven Factors of Awakening
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Seven_Factors_of_Awakening
Beginning Anew: Four Steps to Restoring Communication
https://plumvillage.org/books/beginning-anew/
The Way Out Is In: ‘Deep Reflection: The Calligraphy of Zen Master Thich Nhat Hanh’
https://plumvillage.org/podcast/deep-reflection-the-calligraphy-of-zen-master-thich-nhat-hanh-episode-23/
The Way Out Is In: ‘Free from Views in a Polarized Wold’
https://plumvillage.org/podcast/free-from-views-in-a-polarized-world-episode-36/
Quotes
“Happiness is a habit.”
“Thay always says suffering and happiness go together, so don’t be so blinded by suffering without recognizing happiness. And don’t be so confident about happiness that we forget that if we don’t take care of our happiness, suffering will come.”
“It’s a beautiful meditation to look into our habits, because you can go into the history of it and know yourself more.”
“Happiness is a habit in this particular practice; knowing the goodness in the here and now.”
“When we enter the monastery for a retreat, there’s one habit that we invite everyone to practice, and it’s probably very new to someone who has never had any introduction to Buddhism or spirituality: stopping when you hear the sound of the bell. This is a habit that we have introduced to hundreds of thousands of people. And this habit brings out awareness in us. So, in my training, before reviewing and transforming my negative habits, I try to cultivate good habits first.”
“If you do a lot of good things, you don’t have time to do bad things.”
“Underneath our greatest problem is our greatest gift.”
“Meditation is a habit. Meditation is not sitting in a temple, meditation is having moments where you connect to yourself. You allow yourself to be in stillness, you allow your mind to have a break. Bring it to oneness with an action. Walking, sitting, mindful breathing, enjoying a cup of tea, enjoying a cup of coffee; these snippet-moments can be wonderful habits that we can all create for ourselves.”
“None of us is 100% perfect, but collectively we are forests that have leaves. Some trees offer flowers, some trees offer fruits. And all of us offer shade together. A sangha, sometimes we call it a forest. So don’t be so focused on just one tree. One tree may not be so strong and may not change the world, but one whole forest is a different story.”
“With our thoughts, we create the world.”
“Understanding the causes of my suffering has given me a route out of it. And if I had not gone into my suffering, I could never have found happiness.”
“A real friend is someone with the courage to point out your shortcomings.”
“Offering guidance to another is offering guidance to ourselves.”
“Once there is seeing, there must be action. Otherwise, what’s the use of seeing?”
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