309: Staying married is the hardest part with Bonnie Comfort
Better Sex
Navigating Marital Complexity: From Pressure to Connection
This chapter explores the complexities of marriage, focusing on shifting power dynamics and sexual desires. A serious health scare serves as a catalyst for change, leading to a deeper understanding and renewed closeness between partners amid ongoing challenges.
In this episode of the Better Sex Podcast, host Jessa Zimmerman talks with psychologist and couples counselor Bonnie Comfort about her book 'Staying Married is the Hardest Part,' which delves into the complexities of her 30-year marriage. Bonnie shares her motivations for writing the book, driven initially by grief after the loss of her husband, Bob. The conversation explores Bonnie's personal experiences with the ebbs and flows of her marriage, particularly the struggles they faced around sexual incompatibility and fetishes. Through their discussion, Bonnie emphasizes the importance of honesty, empathy, and self-advocacy in maintaining a long-term relationship. The episode also addresses broader themes such as the unrealistic expectations set by society about marriage and sex, and provides insights for both therapists and individuals struggling with similar issues.
00:00 Introduction to Better Sex Podcast
00:50 Meet Bonnie Comfort: Author and Psychologist
01:52 The Journey of Writing Through Grief
02:23 Therapists Are Not Perfect: Personal Struggles
04:25 Navigating Marriage Expectations
05:30 The Romance Industrial Complex
06:27 Dealing with Sexual Incompatibility
15:58 The Impact of External Stressors on Marriage
18:04 Balancing Self-Care and Partner Support
19:35 Navigating Sexual Differences in Relationships
20:48 Balancing Personal Desires and Partner's Needs
21:36 The Role of Empathy and Compromise
22:27 Manipulation vs. Coercion in Relationships
24:48 Overcoming Sexual Insecurities
26:06 The Importance of Honest Communication
29:22 Deciding to Stay or Leave a Relationship
31:23 Psychological Insights into Relationship Dynamics
32:41 Lessons Learned and Moving Forward
33:57 About the Book and Final Thoughts
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Bio:
Bonnie Comfort is the author of "Staying Married is the Hardest Part," a new memoir that explores the complexities of long-term love. She has been a practicing psychologist for 30 years. She has an MSW from the University of Manitoba and a PhD in psychology from the Chicago School of Professional Psychology Los Angeles. Her novel, “Denial,” a psychological thriller from Simon & Schuster, was published in eight countries and translated into five languages. As an expert on marital therapy, she has been a guest multiple times on podcasts about marriage and has taken extensive workshops with marital and sex experts like Terrence Real, David Schnarch, John Gottman, and Marty Klein. She currently lives in Portland, Oregon, with her long-time partner. Find out more about her at http://bonniecomfort.com.
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More info and resources:
Secret Podcast for the Higher Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/hdppodcast
Secret Podcast for the Lower Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/ldppodcast
How Big a Problem is Your Sex Life? Quiz – https://www.sexlifequiz.com
The Course – https://www.intimacywithease.com
The Book – https://www.sexwithoutstress.com
Podcast Website – https://www.intimacywithease.com
Access the Free webinar: Intimacy Made Easy: 3 Secrets to Bridging Libido Differences: https://intimacywithease.com/masterclass
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