In this episode, my guest is Dr. David Buss, Ph.D., Professor of Psychology at the University of Texas, Austin, and one of the founding members of the field of evolutionary psychology.

Dr. Buss describes his work on how people select mates for short and long-term relationships, the dynamics of human courtship, and mate value assessment — meaning how people measure up as potential partners. We also discuss the causes of infidelity and differences for infidelity in men and women. He explains how people evaluate and try to alter other people’s mate value as a means to secure and even poach mates. We discuss monogamous and non-monogamous relationships in humans. And we discuss what Dr. Buss calls “the dark triad” — features common in stalkers and narcissists that relate to sexual and psychological violence in relationships.

This episode is sure to be of interest to anyone single or in a relationship who seeks to know how people select mates and anyone who is interested in forming and maintaining healthy romantic partnerships.

Read the full show notes for this episode at hubermanlab.com.

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Timestamps

00:00:00 Introducing Dr. David Buss

00:04:27 Sponsors: AG1, LMNT & Waking Up

00:08:33 Choosing a Mate

00:13:40 Long Term Mates: Universal Desires

00:18:31 What Women & Men Seek in Long-Term Mates

00:25:10 Age Differences & Mating History

00:32:20 Deception in Courtship

00:37:30 Emotional Stability

00:38:40 Lying About Long-Term Interest

00:41:56 Short-Term Mating Criteria, Sliding Standards & Context Effects

00:46:25 Sexual Infidelity: Variety Seeking & (Un)happiness & Mate Switching

00:54:25 Genetic Cuckolds, How Ovulation Impacts Mate Preference

00:57:00 Long-Term vs. Short-Term Cheating, Concealment

00:59:15 Emotional & Financial Infidelity

01:04:35 Contraception

01:06:22 Status & Mating Success

01:10:10 Jealousy, Mate Value Discrepancies, Vigilance, Violence

01:24:13 Specificity of Intimate Partner Violence

01:25:12 Mate Retention Tactics: Denigration, Guilt, Etc.

01:27:33 Narcissism, Machiavellianism, Psychopathy

01:33:25 Stalking

01:39:15 Influence of Children on Mate Value Assessments

01:43:24 Attachment Styles, Mate Choice & Infidelity

01:46:40 Non-Monogamy, Unconventional Relationships

01:54:00 Mate Value Self Evaluation, Anxiety About the Truth

02:02:12 Self Deception

02:05:35 The Future of Evolutionary Psychology & Neuroscience

02:06:56 Books: When Men Behave Badly, The Evolution of Desire, Textbooks

02:10:42 Concluding Statements, Zero-Cost Support: Subscribe, Sponsors, Supplements

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