Let us go to a lightning round. Okay, first question from one native Detroiter to another. What is your favorite thing about Detroit?

Snow. I

was going to say the sleeping bear sand dunes, but I'll take it. What is a book you think we should all read?

Outliers. Worst

advice you've ever gotten?

There's so much advice in the world and I can think of nothing. I probably don't listen to people. This is the problem. I don't listen to any advice. I

like that answer. I think we can go with it. That's actually you practicing your own advice about boundaries. You're not assuming that somebody else knows what's best for you. I'm a skeptic

about advice. I think I'm like, don't go to bed angry. Like, why not? Like, what'll happen if you go to bed angry? I

love this. A therapist who's skeptical about advice.

Yeah. Generalized advice, because I think advice should be tailored to the person. So when you ask that question, I'm thinking about things like everything happens for a reason, like that sort of thing, where I'm like, ah, that's not true. What

is an opinion you've recently rethought?

That people should know how you feel about everything. Sometimes we over-communicate what we think and feel to the detriment of our relationships. There is a lot of internal processing that we need to do. Sometimes we need to journal. We need to talk to some friends, talk to a therapist before sharing everything that we think, because our perspective is not always the right perspective. But when we are in our heads, we like, I must tell them this thing about them, or I must tell them why, what they did to bother me. But you know, what I've learned is sometimes we're just bothered because we're moody. You know, we just might be in the middle of a mood shift. It's not a thing that would always bother you. So sometimes pausing before letting a person know something can be really beneficial for your relationships. That

really resonates. I've often thought about emotions a little bit like art. No artist frames their first draft. And oftentimes the emotion I feel in a moment is like, it's a rough draft and I haven't revised it yet. So maybe I want to think about whether it aligns with my values and whether it means something important before I communicate it to somebody else.

Yeah, when you mentioned don't go to bed angry, I think there are some things we need to sleep on. You know, we need to sleep on some thoughts and some feelings before we share them with other people, even the anger sometimes. because maybe after we get a, you know, a night of rest, we'll find that, you know, maybe I was really angry about this thing, but there were so many other things that happened in that day that made me feel angry. You know, like, so sometimes we need to consider why we're feeling a certain way and not just, this is how I feel and they should know it. Well, there are so many things that go into creating these emotional responses that we should just not let out immediately with other people.

On that note, you have such a calming presence. It's not hard to see why you were drawn to becoming a therapist because you've clearly had this effect on people for a long time. I also know it's not all something you're born with, and this is a skill you've worked on in your training. What's your favorite tip for maintaining calm? Hmm.

Quiet. I think stepping away and finding, you know, some quiet weather outside. You know, I wake up super early because I want to sit outside and I want to hear the birds. There's a rooster. Someone has a rooster. That's a new thing. But just sitting quietly with our thoughts, with our feelings, not necessarily meditating. I don't think everyone needs to meditate, but I think just being quiet is a way of meditating. Just allowing, you know, other noises to capture the environment can be a really wonderful way to center yourself. You

just made the day of this introvert who doesn't do formal meditation. Nadja, what's a question you have for me? What's

your objection to meditation? I

don't necessarily have an objection. I get the experience of meditation through other kinds of activities. I feel like I meditate when I exercise. I experience it when I read. I guess I've just never felt the need to follow a formal meditative practice. And then at some point, I got annoyed that meditation evangelists were judging me for not meditating. And then I felt like I had to double down and not meditate.

I believe that you're already meditating. And it is the word that makes us think that meditation is one thing. And it's all of the things that you've already stated. It is the exercise. It is the walk in nature. It is quiet. It is reading. It's doing a puzzle. It's also sitting and saying, hmm, it's all of those things.

Well, that is a mark of mindfulness right there. So any closing words of wisdom on setting and maintaining boundaries? Let

your feelings be the guide. Sometimes we are searching for the tail. Like, how do I know? What is the thing? What is the thing that causes you to feel discomfort? What is the thing that causes you to feel guilt? What is the thing that causes you to feel frustrated? Those are the spaces and places that you need boundaries. And your boundaries will reveal what they need to be. You don't have to do a lot of work to figure out, oh my gosh, there's this big problem. I must figure it out. It's like, you know the solution. It might be hard to admit. It might be hard to say, but it is the exact thing that you're more than likely already thinking about.