In this deeply personal episode, Pastor Benjamin Kandt sits down with Joshua Esquivel to explore his remarkable journey from legalistic religion and inner turmoil to vibrant faith and intimate communion with Jesus. Joshua shares candidly about growing up in a devout Seventh-day Adventist community, wrestling with shame surrounding his same-sex attraction, and the years of isolation, performance, and self-rejection that followed. He recounts his eventual “coming out,” the pain of family rejection, and the years he spent trying to find identity and peace through secular means, including New Age spirituality and relationships.

Everything began to change when Joshua prayed a half-sincere, half-desperate prayer surrendering his life to God. What followed was an unexpected and supernatural encounter with the grace of Jesus through Scripture, Reformed theology, and the ministry of the Holy Spirit. He speaks about his conviction of the Bible’s truth, his calling to celibacy, and the surprising joy and belonging he’s found in the body of Christ—particularly through New City. This is a testimony of gospel hope, identity rooted in Jesus, and the kind of transformation that only God can bring.

You can find the resources referenced in this episode here and here.