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I Don't Get the Response I Want, That's a Failure
When you say I don't get the response I want, it means she keeps doing it. That is part of the process of limit setting. If you keep experiencing each incident as, oh, that didn't work, then you're completely demotivated to maintain the limit and then it keeps getting violated. You mentioned in your letter that you have some history in your family with feeling like you couldn't set boundaries and you called it codependency. Can you tell us a little bit more about that and what feels similar to you about this situation?