The three step process that i described, focus, notice, re direct, taps into three distinct brain systems. The orienting system is about directing our resources of mind wilfully and shining a flashlight just like you would in a darkened room. We need to be aware of the internal miliu in terms of our our emotions, and be able to late the emotion o that they'ree appropriate. And then i would say, connecting, which really ties into what you are saying regarding your friend. This is where we take our attentional flashlight, or floodlight, as i call the alerting system, or executive control,. You use them for literally every major thing you do as a human being

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