"I was half in and half out. As to i had one leg out all the time," he says. "My life kind of swept before my eyes, and i could feel that lack of being fully in was part of what was surfacing." He has identified three reasons for not jumping off a cliff: "i can't run up with suicide"; "if i'm stuck in some hell hole or terminal an illness,  that's my right; but meanwhile, i'm in... I'm fully in"

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