also I feel like a lot of us get our identity our sense of self self-worth and value from those external metrics what I have what I earn what people think of me how many likes I get how many people listen to my show you know whatever you know my income and that's that and and when your identity is it's kind of an outside-in process you know that who am I beyond my stuff that's that's what I'm interested in that

what is and that's a and that's exactly the question that psychotherapy tackles and I treat people I have to treat people incredibly successful in the business world you know in tech who've made absurd you know amounts of money you know in this sort of very driven way and it's like looking from the outside in you would say this person has got everything that a human being could possibly want in life yeah and it's like but they still feel empty you know or lost or directionless or alone even you know even surrounded by other people you know and I come to psychotherapy and I've got everything but I don't I don't feel right yeah you know now begins the job of well let's slowly begin to shift our attention away from all of those everything that you've been attending to so carefully over all of these years and maybe let's see if we can shift it internally to things that have not particularly been on your radar screen well you know right right I mean the you know you know one of the things I often say to my patients is you know people are constantly trying to you're trying to solve internal problems with external changes and it's a normal human characteristic this is not a pathological thing this is this is just something we all do in different ways to you know greater or lesser extent but you know you think about just just day to day things you know somebody's feeling like their life is you know in disarray you know things just aren't things just aren't you know things just just aren't cohearing in a way that feels right things feel you know things feel out of place and into serene they come home and they you know and they start cleaning up their house and organizing you know like organizing their room or maybe they can and they you know remodel their house you know or you know somebody isn't feeling very good about themselves and they go and they get their hair done and you know makeup or something and you know they they you know feel a little better for the moment that's just a very very normal day to day thing that that we do you know you know something something is out of order inside and we often you know then try to put something in order outside psycho therapy comes in when we recognize that there's something we need to put in order on the

inside