Feelings of Guilt and Remorse

Personal Work with Dr. Tom Gedman-- Overcoming Performance Anxiety

Have you ever struggled with Performance Anxiety? That can include public speaking anxiety, as well as anxiety when having to perform in an athletic or musical event, or speak on the radio, TV, or internet , etc. This is one of the most common forms of anxiety that we see in mental health professionals, as well, of course, in general citizens, including children, teens and adults.

Today you will hear Part 1 of the live work with Dr. Tom Gedman, a British physician struggling with intense performance anxiety, including the initial T = Testing and E = Empathy. Next week, you’ll hear Part 2 of the session as David and Rhonda do the A = Assessment of Resistance and M = Methods portions of the work with Dr. Gedman.

You may recall Dr. Gedman from our previous podcast (# 348). Recently, Dr. Gedman has wanted to promote his new programs on health and mental health in brief videos he plans to publish on social media sites, but finds himself crippled by negative thoughts that make him freeze up in front of the camera, like these:

1. I’m not good at this. 100%
2. I can’t be authentic. 100$
3. I’ll look like a robot! 100%

Tom practices in England as a family practice doctor, but has decided to work part time for the national health service while he establishes his clinical practice because he is only permitted to spend 10 minutes with each patient. He has developed a love affair and expertise with TEAM-CBT, and wants the freedom to practices in the way he wants, offering two-hour individual and group sessions, where he emphasizes the integration of physical with mental health.

But this means having to advertise his clinical practice to solicit patients, and this is a bit of a treadmill because of the rapid changes he sees in so many of his patients. Hence, his urgent need to overcome his public speaking / performance anxiety.

I have a soft spot in my heart for anyone who’s struggle with these types of anxious thoughts and feelings, because I have encountered them on many occasions in my professional career when I had to present my work in conferences, or even when attending receptions that included other mental health professionals.

In fact, I am the “voice” on the Feeling Great App that I’ve been developing over the past several years, and it took me some time to get comfortable with the recordings, since I told myself that I “had to sound natural, spontaneous, and inspiring.” Of course those internal and external demands caused the exact opposite—feelings of tension, insecurity, pressure, and intense self-doubt, resulting in “robotness” as opposed to spontaneity!

Yikes! It was a dreadful battle for a while! So, I KNOW how Tom has been feeling.

And our beloved Rhonda has been there, too, especially when she took over from Dr. Fabrice Nye as host of the Feeling Good Podcast that you’re listening to right now. If you recall, she was feeling pretty darn insecure! (See Podcasts # 142 and 143.)

Perhaps you’ve also struggled with social or public speaking anxiety, and felt insecure, panicky, frustrated, or ashamed? Have you? Even in our weekly training group at Stanford for mental health professionals, these feelings are rampant and nearly universal.

Part 1 of the work with Tom T = Testing

Tom brought a partially completed Daily Mood Log to today’s session. You can review it if you CLICK HERE. As you can see, he was feeling nine different categories of negative feelings, all intensely, with estimates ranging from 70 to 100.

This is why T = Testing is necessary for all mental health professionals, regardless of your so-called “school” of therapy. People, like Tom, may look attractive and filled with enthusiasm and joy on the outside, and still be experiencing EXTREME levels of distress inside.

The T = Testing vasty improves your accuracy in understanding how your patients are feeling. It also makes you accountable, which can be sobering, because we will again ask Tom how he’s feeling at the end of the session. The improvement, or lack of improvement, will tell us EXACTLY how effective, or ineffective, we were today in our work with Tom.

This is a great bonus for therapists who are courageous enough to use my Brief Mood Survey at the stat and end of every session, with every patient, because your patients become your best teachers, by far. But it’s also a threat, because the numbers don’t lie, and you’ll also be confronted by your ineffectiveness with many of your patients / clients.

Sadly, a great many therapists would prefer not knowing the truth!

E = Empathy

Although Tom had previously defeated these anxiety-provoking thoughts and reached a state of relative enlightenment and joy, the thoughts have come creeping back into his psyche. That’s one of the things about anxiety. Once you’ve beaten it, you have to keep up the assault with frequent, ongoing exposure, or the anxiety will once again invade your brain and body.

But the good news is that the methods that helped you initially are very likely to help you again, and if you continue using exposure after your first recovery, you can greatly reduce the probability of relapse.

These are the methods that helped Tom in the past:

• Positive Reframing of his negative thoughts and feelings following the initial E = Empathy phase of his session.
• Externalization of Voices
• Survey Technique
• Self-Disclosure (vs hiding) of his negative feelings of insecurity

Tom said,

Those techniques worked like magic when David and Mike Christensen did a live demonstration with me several months ago at a TEAM-CBT conference in England. I opened up about how I was feeling inside, and sobbed for several minutes during the session. Then I developed amazing relationships with colleagues at that conference. I was on a high for several months.

The TEAM-CBT session was life-changing. It gave me my life back. But now I’ve lost my way again.

Can those methods help Tom again today? You will get the chance to look behind closed doors as Rhonda and David do some personal TEAM-CBT work with Tom.

Tom continued to explain his situation as Rhonda and David empathized.

I’m very passionate about the work I want to do, but when I try to convey my message, I tighten up. . . I did 18 takes on a brief message to promote my new practice, but I just wasn’t authentic. I felt enormous pressure to entertain.

If I don’t get over this, people will think I’m a quack. I’ll get criticized. The work I do with patients behind closed doors has been amazing.  personal  The last couple patients I saw got their mood scores down all the way to zero.

Those sessions were intensely exciting! But how can I get the word out to the many people who need help with feelings of depression and anxiety, as well as poor habits of exercise and eating?

I’m just not earning much money now. My wife is working long hours to support our family while I’m trying to guild up my clinical practice. I feel so guilty. I take care of our three-year old son. On Monday, I felt so frustrated and discouraged that I felt like I was on the verge of a breakdown.

I feel sad and worried that things won’t pan out. It’s high stakes. . . I’ve always been a perfectionist. It’s helped me, but it’s also held me back.

I’m just angry at myself for not getting myself out of this desperate situation.

Rhonda and David paraphrased Tom’s words and acknowledged his intensely negative feelings as he spoke, without trying to be helpful, and without making interpretations or trying to cheer him up. Then we asked Tom to give us a grade on empathy, thinking of these three aspects of effective:

1. How well did we understand how Tom was thinking?
2. How well did we understand how he was feeling inside?
3. Did we create a sense of warmth, connection and acceptance?

Tom gave us an A. Next week, you’ll hear the dramatic conclusion of our session with Tom, including the A = Assessment of Resistance and the M = Methods, and, of course, the final T = Testing to find out if the session was helpful!

End of Part 1

Thanks for listening today!

Tom, Rhonda, and David