Nice Guys Finish First—If They Do This | Dr. Ryan Fehr
The Art of Charm
Intro
This chapter tackles common misconceptions about loneliness and social burnout, highlighting the psychological nuances behind these feelings. The discussion focuses on three major myths and promotes a deeper understanding of how to foster meaningful connections.
When high-stakes emotions hit — anger, anxiety, fear — most people default to either freezing or reacting. In this episode of Social Intelligence, Dr. Ryan Fehr, a leadership professor at the University of Washington, shares tools that help Navy SEALs, Fortune 500 execs, and everyday professionals regulate emotions under pressure.
Ryan and AJ discuss how to train your brain to respond—rather than react—in critical moments, build emotional range, and use discomfort as a performance advantage. If you’ve ever walked away from a conversation thinking, “Why did I say that?”—this episode will show you how to stay in control when it matters most.
What to Listen For
[00:00:00] Why emotional intelligence beats raw intellect under pressure
[00:04:32] How to keep your cool during hard conversations
[00:07:15] Why naming your emotions gives you back control (affect labeling)
[00:11:28] The one mindset trick elite performers use to slow time during chaos
[00:15:40] Why “emotional range” is more important than positivity
[00:20:11] A Navy SEAL’s approach to mastering fear
[00:24:57] How to recognize your “emotional dashboard” before you blow up
[00:29:45] Why overconfidence is emotionally blinding — and how to fix it
[00:36:01] How Ryan teaches emotional control to MBA students and CEOs
[00:42:16] Emotional safety in leadership: what the research actually shows
[00:47:20] A 10-second tool to stay grounded when you want to explode
[00:51:55] What to do after an emotional failure — the self-compassion loop
A Word From Our Sponsors
Tired of awkward handshakes and collecting business cards without building real connections? Dive into our Free Social Capital Networking Masterclass. Learn practical strategies to make your interactions meaningful and boost your confidence in any social situation. Sign up for free at theartofcharm.com/sc and elevate your networking from awkward to awesome. Don’t miss out on a network of opportunities!
Unleash the power of covert networking to infiltrate high-value circles and build a 7-figure network in just 90 days. Ready to start? Check out our CIA-proven guide to networking like a spy!
Indulge in affordable luxury with Quince—where high-end essentials meet unbeatable prices. Upgrade your wardrobe today at quince.com/charm for free shipping and hassle-free returns.
Ready to turn your business idea into reality? Shopify makes it easy to start, scale, and succeed—whether you're launching a side hustle or building the next big brand. Sign up for your $1/month trial at shopify.com/charm.
Need to hire top talent—fast? Skip the waiting game and get more qualified applicants with Indeed. Claim your $75 Sponsored Job Credit now at Indeed.com/charm.
This year, skip breaking a sweat AND breaking the bank. Get your summer savings and shop premium wireless plans at mintmobile.com/charm
Stop needlessly overpaying for car insurance. Before you renew your policy, do yourself a favor—download the Jerry app or head to JERRY.com/charm
Connect with quality therapists and mental health experts who specialize in you at www.rula.com/charm
Curious about your influence level?
Get your Influence Index Score today!
Take this 60-second quiz to find out how your influence stacks up against top performers at theartofcharm.com/influence.
Check in with AJ and Johnny!
Johnny on LinkedIn
Johnny on Instagram
The Art of Charm on Instagram
The Art of Charm on YouTube
The Art of Charm on TikTok
Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
The AI-powered Podcast Player
